Birthright is a free trip to Israel for Jews all around the world. God bless conservative, rich, white people.
Chances are, if you have a Jewish friends, you've heard of Birthright. If you are Jewish, then your Jewish mother hasn't stopped harassing you about the potential trip since you were Bat Mitzvah'd. The 10 day trip takes you all over Israel, from the northern Harmon mountains and the coastal city of Haifa, to the southern deserts of the Negev. The trip has an insane ability to make you connect with fellow Jews in record timing, and connect culturally/spiritually/politically/whatever to a land that is your birth right...get it? Understand where the name comes from?
It is a breeding ground for America's finest JAPs (Jewish American Princesses) and they wouldn't have it any other way. Besides bonding with your fellow Schwartz's, Goldberg's, Goldstein's, and Ben Gurion's, the trip reconnects you with your roots and gives you new insight into what Am Yisrael Chai means.
Here are 15 ways you know you just got back from a #Birthright trip to #Israel where you had the #besttimeofmylife with your #newfamily:
1. You can't stop listening to Israeli rap/pop.
Fuck Katy, Taylor, and Ariana. You're all about Mashina, Hadag Nahash, & Hatikvah 6 now.
2. You have a necklace like this:
Or this (in your own name):
Or maybe a ring like this ("If I Forgot You O Jerusalem"):
3. Iced coffee in America just isn't cutting it for you anymore. It's this:
Or nothing.
4. You kind of miss the addition of chickpeas to your daily diet and having it served with every fucking thing.
Kind of.
5. The only Hebrew you truly learned were the curse words the IDF soldiers taught you. Sorry, Rabbi.
6. You know how to prioritize the needs to sleep, eat, and use the bathroom.
7. You also know never to pass up a bathroom opportunity.
8. You have a newfound appreciation for bus drivers, especially ones who can navigate 3-foot wide mountain roads.
Baruch Hashem.
9. You never want to hear the word "mikvah" again.
10. Bamba > any other type of snack.
Fuck whoever says otherwise.
11. You took a selfie with a camel, who you probably named after a quirky celebrity.
12. They said the trip was "free" but your bank account says otherwise...
13. Your clothing and bags reek of camel and desert sweat.
14. You've had enough geopolitical discussions to last you a lifetime.
15. You slept more on the bus than at the hotel. You've got the skill of sleeping on a bus down to a perfection.
16. By the time you landed in JFK, you were seriously considering working on a kibbutz over the summer or making Aliyah.
To those thinking about doing Birthright: stop thinking and do it. Your stomach will thank you, your mom will stop nagging you, and you'll have so many stories to make your Gentile friends jealous. And isn't that what Judaism is really about?
I'm kidding. Thanks for the memz Eretz Yisrael. Can't wait to go back and live out of a suitcase again.
