It's a well-known fact that college is a whole different ball game than high school. Due to compulsory education laws, high school is pretty much mandatory. But, attending college is completely voluntary. Also, for most people, college costs a lot of money. On the other hand, public high school does not. Now that I've adressed these facts, I can better explain the pressure and stress I have created for myself in college so far. Slowly but surely, I am learning to let go of my self-created standards and just let go.
In high school, I didn't care about academics very much. I preferred to focus on becoming better at my other hobbies like theater and sports, and I didn't have the desire to drown myself in AP classes. So, I didn't. I had always had a passion for learning new things, but high school just felt like an obligation. To me, it wasn't much more than an annoying, mandatory stepping stone before I arrived at "real life" (although it was occasionally fun, don't get me wrong).
Now, in college, I know that I am here solely because I want to be. I want to put myself in debt. I want to sacrifice my physical and mental health to long hours of studying. I want to earn a college degree and become a nurse. In my opinion, college as a whole is not as glamorous as some photographs and stories make it out to be. In fact, it's instilled an intense sense of perfectionism in me.
You might be thinking, "Oh God, she probably never goes out and has no idea what college is really like". Quite honestly, that statement is partially true. I have forgotten what college is "really like" because I have created a world for myself where school is what I eat, sleep, and breathe. I'm oddly obsessed, and I need an intervention.
I am so caught up in how much I'm paying for school and how much of my life I'm devoting to it that I expect myself to be absolutely perfect at it. After all, it's all I really do anymore. What started out as, "Oh wow, I somehow got all A's this semester" has turned into the unwavering desire to still keep my 4.0 as a second-semester sophomore nursing student. Crazy, right?
But, this is me letting go. This is me saying that I don't need to be perfect. Attending college and earning my Bachelor of Science in Nursing will still be worth it even if I don't do so hot on a few exams, even if I take an entire Saturday night and the subsequent Sunday off from studying, even if I need to retake a class in the summer. It will be worth it because I will be graduating and given the privilege to begin a career that I am excited for. No one ever said I had to be perfect.
