You Could Be A Morning Person, But You Playin'
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You Could Be A Morning Person, But You Playin'

For all those singing the "I did not wake up like this" blues. Let's take you from slow-as-molasses to flawless in seven simple steps.

You Could Be A Morning Person, But You Playin'

The sun is up, the sky is blue,

It’s beautiful and so are you!

Today is a new day. A fresh start. The beginning of the rest of your life. The birds are chirping, the tea is brewing, the hot neighbor is jogging; what a day to be alive. So rise like the sun, take a deep breath, and seek the magic that awaits!

Okay, I know what you're thinking...

Wouldn’t it be great if every day you could wake up like this?

...But let’s be honest with ourselves. Most days, it’s like this.

If you’re anything like me, your alarm goes off, and you jolt awake as if you are actually the Hulk reborn after months of hibernation. The alarm tone is “radar,” which is like the Grinch of iPhone alarms. Seriously, it is as appealing to the ears as the sound of dental tools. If you don’t understand that reference, then just imagine the sound of dental instruments clinking against your teeth as they ask you questions about your job (don’t have one) your significant other (don’t have one) and the recent "Bachelor" episode. You want to warn them that you haven’t even watched this week’s episode, but you can’t speak, because they are counting your teeth. Before you can utter anything along the lines of “plea don’ say, eye havun watch," they have already spilled that Amanda was sent home and you wish you could also be sent home to escape this moment of eternal frustration.

Snap back to reality.

“Radar” is still serenading you with its villainous tune, so you muster up all of your strength to reach for your cell phone and silence the monster. Then you lay back down and take a deep breath hoping to fall back into a sweet, peaceful slumber… BUT WAIT! You realize you have to finish your homework before class starts in an hour and you forgot to go grocery shopping so now you’ll have to eat an off-brand granola bar for breakfast for the third time this week, and it’s only Tuesday, and you have no more matching socks and you wish your parents would have forced you to play an instrument so you could put it on your resume, because all you have on it are a bunch of extracurricular clubs from high school, and if you’re being honest with yourself, you really only attended Key Club once.

Before you even get out of bed, you are already burdened with more “I don’t want to,” and “I should have,” and “I can’t” thoughts than a dramatic teenage pop punk ballad.

You look at yourself in the mirror and wonder how it is even possible for someone who sleeps in a twin bed and barely moves throughout the night to look like she just emerged from a tundra with 60 mph winds.

Despite the homonym relationship, mornings aren’t meant to be a time of mourning.

Unfortunately, your quick lapse in positivity may subconsciously determine your mood for the rest of the day. Luckily, if you add some mental sunshine to your daytime routine, you will feel more motivated and energized for the remainder of the day.

As esteemed philosopher Mary Anne Radmacher once said a long time ago, (but no one knew about it until Will Smith re-said it in "Hitch"), “Begin each day as if it were on purpose."

1. As soon as you wake, smile.

I know that may seem easy, and I know that may seem cheesy. But cheese is round and yellow and so is the sun, so obviously there is a connection. When you smile, your body sends messages to your brain that you are happy. And although you may argue with the placebo effect, you can’t argue with science. After all, you're never fully dressed without a colon parentheses :) .

2. Create your own morning mantra.

Close your eyes, breath slowly, and repeat the mantra to yourself over and over. Say something like “today will be great,” or “I will make today count,” or “wonderful things will happen today,” or even “my day will look as good as my booty would look if I did squats every day and ate lots of chicken like muscular guys who work out a lot, but I don’t, and also I’m a vegetarian and usually just eat almond butter or Oreos, but that’s another story, and now this is too long to be a mantra."

Go to bed with a dream, and wake up with purpose. Repeat the mantra, because eventually, you will believe it. “Start each day with a grateful heart.” You will find that quote all over Pinterest, and if Pinterest approves that message, then so should the rest of the world. Believe that something wonderful will happen, and then something wonderful will happen, I believe.

3. Drink hot water with lemon.

This. Always. Works. To all of you coffee lovers out there, I know this may be hard to hear. I know you have a different mug for each day of the week and carry notebooks that say things like "I love you more than coffee, but not before coffee." I understand that this may take a latte of practice before you can fully commit. If you can only make one single change to your daily routine to improve your health, let it be this.

One glass of hot water with fresh lemon will boost your immune system, detox your body, and even hydrate the lymph system. Did you even know that your body had systematic lymphs? Well, it does, and the time for you to start hydrating them is now. The hot water mixed with the zesty lemon juice will give you much more sustainable energy than a cup of coffee. Order this every time you go to a restaurant. Not only is it free, but it will also enhance your street cred, because people will think you are a sophisticated European. And who doesn't want to be mistaken for a sophisticated European? Also, it will save you additional cash, because you won’t have to take out a down payment every time you buy a Starbs Flat White.

4. Stretch.

Balancing all of your extracurriculars + a social life + social media +college + a job + a dog? Even if you're not a math person and don't want to do all of that addition, everyone can agree that the equation = stress. After balancing all of your activities, you feel like you're in the HOME STRETCH of success. The key to reducing stress might just be to STRETCH in your HOME.

Was that too much? Probably. But if you laughed just now, then that means you stretched approximately 43 muscles in your face. You don't need to go full-out yogi flow in the morning. Just performing three simple stretches will suffice. It will also help you warm up on those cold mornings when you walk around looking like a taco because you are bundled up with so many blankets.

Stretch your hands up to the sky. Now all the way down to touch your toes. We teach this stuff to pre-schoolers, and then we never do it again. Ever notice how flexible and energetic children are? Is it because they stretch? Eh, probably not. But it very well could be, so let's keep that in mind.

5. Make a daily goal.

On the days that I make a goal to work out early in the morning, (and when I say “the days that I make a goal to work out early in the morning,” I mean the two days a year that I make a conscious, yet feeble, effort to work out before 8 a.m., which is most likely Jan. 2 and maybe one other random day in July before a beach trip), I feel motivated to eat healthy for the rest of the day. The same goes for when you set a daily goal. If you make the decision in the morning to “finish a novel” or “reach out to an old friend” or “be more encouraging to others,” then you are more likely to accomplish it. For all of you sports people out there (maybe those in a bowling league), this is right up your alley. Visualization has been working for elite athletes ever since they first learned the technique from the Russians in the 1960s. So stop “Russian” around, visualize your goal, and make it happen.

6. Treat yourself.

What gives you that morning motivation? For me, it’s BREAKFAST FOOD. Now that may sound lame, and I assure you it is, but please understand that I am a single, unemployed college student living in a sorority house who journals for fun and listens to orchestral arrangements of Disney songs and eats PB&J sandwiches twice a day. So, I look forward to breakfast. For you, it might be a morning hike, spending time with your kids (are adults reading this? Please do, this is an age-friendly zone), seeing your significant other, a phone call to a relative, watching the sunrise, or your favorite AM TV show. Whatever it is that makes you happy, let that be the first thing you do each morning.

7. Create an AM playlist.

You know those songs that make you want to get up and dance and high five every person in sight? Make a playlist of those songs for those days when you have to set five consecutive alarms just to make sure you will wake up. For those days when you wear the same pants to bed that you are going to wear the next day because you have a 7:45 a.m. class. For those days when you stand in the shower and stare at the wall for 15 minutes because you are dreaming of a place where you could actually be dreaming via REM cycle.

Crank up the feel-good tunes (at a socially acceptable volume as to avoid creating any enemies who may still be slumbering). My favorite is “You Make My Dreams Come True” by Hall & Oats. I listen to that song and instantly launch into the greatest mood of all time (GMOAT). On mellow mornings, opt for some acoustic, breathy male lead vocalist jams. Are we all thinking about John Mayer? Do we feel motivated and happy now that we are all thinking about John Mayer? Okay, good.

If you incorporate these simple steps into your morning routine, you can brag to your friends that you are a morning person. They will ask you how you did it, and you can modestly reply, "Well, Carol (or whoever), I opened two gifts this morning. They were my eyes." And Carol will weep happy tears because that was just corny enough to be considered cute, and want to be just like you, and before you know it, you will be Homecoming Queen or King, even though you graduated seven years ago, and you will retire happily to a beautiful condominium in Florida at the age of 35 and publish an autobiography.

Or, maybe you will just start your morning off on a positive note and find a five dollar bill on the ground.

Either way, it's a win. Make the most of each day. After all, we don't call them Tuesnight, Wedesnight, and Thursnight. Carpe diem, everyone.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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