You Can't Fix Someone

You Can't Fix Someone

Take this from someone who's tried...
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Knowing you can't fix someone hurts. The idea that the only thing you can do is be there for them is not a particularly fun feeling.

“Why am I trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped?”
“What am I even doing here? They don’t want me.”
“Why am I even trying to fix someone whose un-fixable? They’re broken.”

These are the questions that you’re probably thinking if you’ve ever been in a situation like mine. One where you feel like the person is pushing you farther and farther, but let me tell you, they may be broken, but who isn’t? Who hasn’t had some drastic thing happen to them that makes them feel like they will never be okay again? If you haven’t been through this, then you will at some point; it will happen eventually. Ask yourself, did you really want help in the beginning? The answer is probably a no. Eventually, you realized that you needed whoever came into your life at that exact moment. You realized that they were there for you even when you didn’t want them. They stayed.

Everyone has some sort of dark secret that they haven’t told many people — if anyone. It’s hard to find someone who will understand what you’re going through and still think of you as someone who isn’t completely crumpled, just chipped or cracked. So, when someone like that walks into your life, it’s almost too good to be true. You don’t want to believe it; therefore, you tend to push them away. You’ll realize that they didn’t fix you but helped mend some of the cracks the best way they could. You fixed yourself; they just gave you the glue to do so.

“Rather than thinking of it as fixing someone, think about it as getting them back to the person you know they can be. A relationship is supposed to help someone else become the best version of themselves.” – J.C., UA Student

You have been put into someone’s life for a reason, whether it is to stay forever or to be there for a short time, you’re there because God put you there. Embrace it. You’re a lucky one. Not only did He see you to be fit for this person, but so did they. Maybe not instantly and with open arms, but they came to embrace you. They want you there for the time being, but they didn’t ask you to fix them because you can’t. So please, stop trying, and just start being there for them because believe it or not, they need you, and you need them just as much.

Everyone has a day that isn’t a particularly fun day. One of those days where you want to lay in bed and eat ice cream and not move from a spot for the duration of the day. It takes the people you meet in the future that make you realize that those days are days of the past. Those days don’t define you. It’s because of the ones who didn’t try to fix you but instead helped build you back to the person that they know you can be. The ones that make you want to get out of bed and go get coffee or go to the gym.

It’s not rare to find those people, but it is rare to be one of those people. It takes so much time and trust that some people don’t see it as being worth it, but trust me, it totally is. You’re blessed to find those people and should be honored to be one. You are doing so much more than you could ever know. It’s because you saw the potential that they had, and you ran with it. You embraced it. You encouraged them to get back up. You encouraged them to fix themselves.

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalms 34:18

The Lord is kind to those who are brokenhearted. He sends his strongest, most well-fit soldiers to help them. He uses the people He sends to support the ones who have a crushed spirit. He sends His men to do the job He can’t physically do. He sends His joy, grace, and wisdom to the broken, and He acts as the glue. He is so amazing. So amazing that He saw you to be fit for the job. To be fit for a person in a situation. He didn’t see you as perfect but as someone who has been broken before and knows what it takes to move on and heal. That’s His job, and that’s what He lives for and loves to do.

Please take from this that no, you can’t fix a person, but you can hand them the glue. Sometimes, whoever is broken just needs someone to listen, someone who will be there when no one else is. Someone who will cry with them and for them because that’s all you can do. But, if you do it right, you can and will mean more to that person than you could ever imagine. Just you wait and see the amazing things you can do. Watch them grow and eventually become the person who is there for someone else…or maybe you.

Keep doing amazing things in God’s grace, and you will see what He has in store for you. Who knows, you may end up being the person who fills the parts of the chipped and cracked person. Maybe you were the part that was missing.

Cover Image Credit: Mad Mikes America

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.

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Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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An Open Letter To Myself, Concerning Faith

God has a reason for every season of our life even if we cannot see it for ourselves.

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Maybe the empty pages of your journal were meant to be filled in this season of your life. Maybe this is the time where you write everything out, trying to understand the days that are ahead of you. Maybe this is the time when you pour your heart out to God, with the few words that you have, and all the tears that have been bottled up. God knows your heart, and He knows your deepest desires because, after all, He is the one who put them there. Take your fears and your hurts and lay them down. Learn to lay them down at the feet of Jesus. Surrender. Learn to surrender those feelings that you don't want holding you back anymore. God is there to take them from you and help you carry every burden that you have right now. Be thankful for this season that God has you in. Allow yourself to learn from it, and grow from it.

God has a reason for every season of our life even if we cannot see it for ourselves.

God has big things planned, that exceed our realm of understanding. He doesn't do anything on accident. That major change. It was on purpose.

God knows that you are going to be far more successful in a different degree, and even though it is scary right now. He is begging you to trust him. Because He knows that you will be happy with the outcome. Be thankful for the people in your life.

God has them all there for a reason.

The best friend you have? God knew that she was going to be able to help you grow in your relationship with God.

Your God daughters mom? God knows that He is going to use you in big ways in her life, and in the life of her daughter.

Don't give up when things get hard. The people in your ministry? Pour into them. Be a light in the struggles that they may face in college. You have a lot of life under your belt, that God is waiting for you to pour out into other people. Keep going. Keep trusting. Keep surrendering.

"You have definitely had your share of unknowns this past year, and at times you wondered how there could be any hope for this. But your ever-Loving God has kept you and He will continue to keep you, no matter the uncertainties you are faced with this season" — Morgan Harper Nichols

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