You Can't Fix Someone

You Can't Fix Someone

Take this from someone who's tried...

Knowing you can't fix someone hurts. The idea that the only thing you can do is be there for them is not a particularly fun feeling.

“Why am I trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped?”
“What am I even doing here? They don’t want me.”
“Why am I even trying to fix someone whose un-fixable? They’re broken.”

These are the questions that you’re probably thinking if you’ve ever been in a situation like mine. One where you feel like the person is pushing you farther and farther, but let me tell you, they may be broken, but who isn’t? Who hasn’t had some drastic thing happen to them that makes them feel like they will never be okay again? If you haven’t been through this, then you will at some point; it will happen eventually. Ask yourself, did you really want help in the beginning? The answer is probably a no. Eventually, you realized that you needed whoever came into your life at that exact moment. You realized that they were there for you even when you didn’t want them. They stayed.

Everyone has some sort of dark secret that they haven’t told many people — if anyone. It’s hard to find someone who will understand what you’re going through and still think of you as someone who isn’t completely crumpled, just chipped or cracked. So, when someone like that walks into your life, it’s almost too good to be true. You don’t want to believe it; therefore, you tend to push them away. You’ll realize that they didn’t fix you but helped mend some of the cracks the best way they could. You fixed yourself; they just gave you the glue to do so.

“Rather than thinking of it as fixing someone, think about it as getting them back to the person you know they can be. A relationship is supposed to help someone else become the best version of themselves.” – J.C., UA Student

You have been put into someone’s life for a reason, whether it is to stay forever or to be there for a short time, you’re there because God put you there. Embrace it. You’re a lucky one. Not only did He see you to be fit for this person, but so did they. Maybe not instantly and with open arms, but they came to embrace you. They want you there for the time being, but they didn’t ask you to fix them because you can’t. So please, stop trying, and just start being there for them because believe it or not, they need you, and you need them just as much.

Everyone has a day that isn’t a particularly fun day. One of those days where you want to lay in bed and eat ice cream and not move from a spot for the duration of the day. It takes the people you meet in the future that make you realize that those days are days of the past. Those days don’t define you. It’s because of the ones who didn’t try to fix you but instead helped build you back to the person that they know you can be. The ones that make you want to get out of bed and go get coffee or go to the gym.

It’s not rare to find those people, but it is rare to be one of those people. It takes so much time and trust that some people don’t see it as being worth it, but trust me, it totally is. You’re blessed to find those people and should be honored to be one. You are doing so much more than you could ever know. It’s because you saw the potential that they had, and you ran with it. You embraced it. You encouraged them to get back up. You encouraged them to fix themselves.

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalms 34:18

The Lord is kind to those who are brokenhearted. He sends his strongest, most well-fit soldiers to help them. He uses the people He sends to support the ones who have a crushed spirit. He sends His men to do the job He can’t physically do. He sends His joy, grace, and wisdom to the broken, and He acts as the glue. He is so amazing. So amazing that He saw you to be fit for the job. To be fit for a person in a situation. He didn’t see you as perfect but as someone who has been broken before and knows what it takes to move on and heal. That’s His job, and that’s what He lives for and loves to do.

Please take from this that no, you can’t fix a person, but you can hand them the glue. Sometimes, whoever is broken just needs someone to listen, someone who will be there when no one else is. Someone who will cry with them and for them because that’s all you can do. But, if you do it right, you can and will mean more to that person than you could ever imagine. Just you wait and see the amazing things you can do. Watch them grow and eventually become the person who is there for someone else…or maybe you.

Keep doing amazing things in God’s grace, and you will see what He has in store for you. Who knows, you may end up being the person who fills the parts of the chipped and cracked person. Maybe you were the part that was missing.

Cover Image Credit: Mad Mikes America

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Not Alone in our Loneliness

It happens to the best of us, but don't let it get the best of us.

The fear of loneliness is a real one and from it stems a lot of other basic feelings.

Ever get scared that you’ll end up “forever alone”?

Ever get FOMO?

Ever fall into peer pressure?

Ever feel the constant need for approval?

Ever seek affirmation?

Ever get the gut-sinking feeling that nobody else in the world gets it?

All of these derive from the fact that we are all afraid of being left alone. We’re afraid of not being “good enough” for others to like us. We’re afraid that if we stand out, we’ll stand alone.

Well- let me clue you in on something. You’re not alone. All of these feelings are so common. Except, we never talk about them for the sake of bottling our emotions and not scaring people away. Because we believe the lie that everybody is “fine” and nobody would get it if we opened up about these empty feelings we sometimes have. It’s a never-ending and discouraging cycle.

A cycle, yes. But a pointless one. Why hide the fact that this basic human emotion and fear is felt and experienced? The fear of loneliness is insanely present in a lot of lives and we must come to terms with the fact that, even if it isn’t expressed, it’s there. And, when you dive into it and cut to the core, it makes sense.

We have an inherently natural instinct to desire human connection. It’s in our DNA. In Genesis, it is written that man was created in the likeness of God. What one thing does God desire more than anything else?

Us in a right relationship with him. He desires intimate, real, open, and vulnerable relationships with us. He wants nothing more than for us to cling to Him and walk deeper and deeper with Him.

So, realizing that God, our Father, craves the same connections and has defeated the same unsatisfactory feelings of loneliness that I have and will experience is the most comforting thing in the world.

Jesus is the calm to my chaotic thought. The peace to my pity party. The comfort to my confusion. The hope to my helplessness. He is faithful even in my fears. He satisfies my heart when my mind tells me to run. He pulls me close when my mind says I’m never good enough. He loves recklessly and pursues endlessly.

My fear of loneliness and everything encompassed within has been taken to the grave and has been defeated by grace. And so has yours. Because of His fearless faithfulness, I no longer need to fear loneliness because my heart will be fully satisfied in Him.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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When I Have Nothing Else To Do But Trust

2018: a brand new year.

I've never been one to have new years' resolutions because, well, I never actually find success in them. This year, however, I've jumped on the band wagon of choosing a word for the year.

With the close of 2017, I was in a season of impatience, loneliness, and anger. I had no idea what God was wanting to do with my particular circumstances and I was annoyed with the waiting process. That's not surprising because if you know anything about me, then you will know that I am probably the most impatient person on this earth.

I hate waiting. I hate not knowing what is going to happen. And I hate not being in control. But God is in the midst of every one of those things.

He's a patient God and He knows the future. So what gives me the right to rush the journey?What gives me the right to not trust God? To not trust His processes and His actions? To not trust what He brings to the table and in my life?

Throughout 2018, I will be committing myself to trusting God, to trusting His reasonings and His seasons.

So what does trust mean?

To me, trust means finding the calm in the storm; believing in patience and the waiting through trials; nurturing and appreciating doors that are necessary endings; staying still with praise on my lips; crying out when I feel the loneliness of college doom on me; allowing myself to breathe and grow mentally, physically, and spiritually; believing that although I am just a tiny speck on this earth, I am destined for my own specific and important journey.

On the first Sunday of the year, I prayed a prayer about endings and beginnings. I prayed for the Lord to lead me out into waters and dry lands that leave me with no other option than to trust Him and His work. I prayed that He lead me to the point of embracing the grace that He so freely gives, not lends; because we have a Father that gives with no return in mind besides love and trust.

If I'm being honest with you, 2018 scares me. I'm nervous about where God will send me this year and what trials will show up. I'm worried about what Satan will throw in my way to blind me of the promises of the Lord.

But no matter, I will trust in Him and stay still, because in doing so I will find strength in Him (Psalm 27:14).

Cover Image Credit: Mandy Parsons

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