I remember the day we met. We met in our study hall class, and at first, I did not know if I wanted to talk to you because we were in different grade levels, but something happened where we started to talk and immediately hit it off. We started to say hello in the hallways and walk to each others class and hang out during the study hall. I then started to fall for you, secretly and I hoped that we would be more than friends one day.

I remember the day you asked me out. It was after school, we were both heading to our buses to go home and you asked for my phone number and of course you thought I was surprised when you asked for my number but inside I was jumping up and down of excitement. I was walking home with my mom when i got the text from you asking if I wanted to be your girlfriend, I waited for a few minutes to respond back because I did not want to seem desperate or in a rush for this relationship to start. When I said yes to being your girlfriend, I did not know that my life would change from that moment on.

I remember the honeymoon phase. It was like out of a Nicholas Sparks book, we would be together as much as we could in high school, we would go out on dates even if it was to the mall so that we could hang out and talk about each and get to know each other more. We were in love immediately after we started to be in a relationship and it was the best first few months ever. Even our friends would tell us that we would spend too much time together, but we did not care because we were happy together.

I remember our first fight. We were a few months into our relationship and for the first time, I felt reality setting in. The perfect glass that was the honeymoon phase, shattered. You showed me who you really are. After that first fight, we started to fight constantly, we both could not do it anymore but because we both loved each other we fought to stay together and keep this relationship going. You told me things that I started to believe in.

I remember watching you break every promise.

I remember the manipulation. Your controlling, narcissistic personality caused every day to be mentally torturing for me. I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my friends because you wanted every minute of my time. I was criticized for every part of my appearance and personality in the most contradicting way. When I called you out on it, you told me, “We are at a point where I should be able to say things to you without you always getting hurt”. But when I was upset with you, your words turned into “I can’t believe you would hurt me like that”.

I remember believing it was my fault. I protected you so much with my family, friends and even the teachers that I started to blame myself for your mistakes because I wanted to protect you, and make sure that you knew that I loved you and would do anything for you.

I remember reaching my breaking point. Your control on me grew even tighter. I lost my friends and my relationship with my family hung on by a thread. I was done. I didn’t want to be in this relationship any longer. You begged to stay together but I did not want too anymore. It was frustrating for me because I was in college and you were in the middle of everything and distracting me.

I remember the anger.

I remember crying profusely. The one person I should have been able to put my trust in was not the person I could trust anymore.

I remember the vicious cycle. Me wanting to leave and not being able to tell you because I thought it would break you for good, and also I was madly in love with you. You started buying me things so I could be happy and sending me long texts again. But once you were sure I wasn't going to leave, the mind games came back. You would yell at me, but also buy me flowers to "make up" for what you had done. You told me I looked fat in all my clothes, but we would make surprise visits to each other. I felt that because of the occasional nice things you did and said, I owed it to you to overlook the bad. I let you do this to me for another year until I knew I had to end this.

I remember when it finally happened. It was the last day that we would spend together, though I did not realize it yet. I did the worst thing possible, I went through something personal of yours and, of course, you flipped out and decided to yell at me. I brushed it off and went on with our day later to realize that it would be our last day together. I dropped you off your house and you told me that you need space and time to yourself. I was upset on the outside but relieved in the inside because I could not stand being with you anymore.

I remember the aftermath. It was an emotional roller coaster, it still is and it hurts me. I had to throw away everything that reminded me of you because it killed me inside if I saw something small that had a significance of you, I would break down and cry my eyes out until I was done and feel better again.

Four years later, I still remember it all from beginning to end. You don’t know what you did to me, but I will never forget.