You Are Worth More Than You Know

You Are Worth More Than You Know

I’m realizing that someone will love me, but that I love myself more than they will.
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As of today: I have been a freshman in college for two months. What a whirlwind of two months it has been. Everyone will tell you that college changes you but they never say to what extent. As I sit outside the library writing this post, I consider one of those things that has changed from high school me to college me: I’m realizing that someone will love me, but that I love myself more than they will.

In these past two months, my love life, friendships, and life have been rocked to the core. I have had moments where felt stranded, isolated, and alone. My relationships have been tested and sometimes I have failed. My love life has been torn and picked apart. After coming to Texas A&M, I had to face the decision that my relationship with my then current boyfriend no longer worked. This hit me so hard, mainly because I had thought he was "the one".

This relationship was with my first boyfriend. It began when we were both still in high school. He was a year older than me and was everything I was looking for. He was Godly, caring, passionate, and all around kind-hearted. I felt like I had won the lottery in love. After breaking up, I didn’t know how to be so open with someone again, especially after being together for a year and a half.

After this change, I met a guy who listened to me and helped me get over such a heartbreak. I developed feelings for him. There was an instant connection with him and I found myself being so open and vulnerable again, which I didn’t think was possible. I never thought I would lead with my heart over my head, but this one was different. I was worried about putting myself in a place where I would get hurt but I figured it was worth it. We seemed to agree on how compatible we were and that it felt right. It was a great few weeks but then one day he decided it wouldn’t work.

Once again, I felt inferior to the idea of love. I was left alone in my room with just my thoughts and doubts as to what I must have done wrong. Nothing hurt more than being left made a fool out of and constantly feeling like an idiot.

That’s when I knew I had messed up, I let myself think that I was the problem. I let another guy make me feel like a shriveled-up version of myself. From that moment on, I knew that I had to truly love myself and not let a guy dictate who I am.

I’ve realized how much of myself I have sacrificed to make others happy, especially when it came to my relationships. I was so focused on pleasing the people around me that I was always left with the question of “what if” and heartbreak. I forgot how much I am worth.

I wondered, how could I believe I was ever worthless, and why did I let a boy make me feel unworthy of love? After a lot of anger and tears, I found peace in knowing that I love myself. My worth is not decided by whomever I am with but how I see myself. I have been molding and made in the image of God, and have love all around me. My past doesn’t dictate who I am, but merely makes me strong and more prepared to face the future.

While deciding how to regain the love for who I am, I found a quote by Carl Jung which resonated in me. He stated, “the most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” This is the most honest and truthful relation to what many of us are going through. Whether in love or just in life, we forget how valuable we are. We are all so loved and worth more than we know, therefore we must never forget that.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf.com

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22 New Things That I Want To Try Now That I'm 22

A bucket list for my 22nd year.

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"I don't know about you but I'm feelin' 22," I have waited 6 long years to sing that and actually be 22! Now 22 doesn't seem like a big deal to people because you can't do anything that you couldn't do before and you're still super young. But I'm determined to make my 22nd year a year filled with new adventures and new experiences. So here's to 22.

1. Go sky diving.

What's crazier than jumping out of a plane? (Although I'll probably try indoor skydiving first.)

2. Go cliff jumping/diving.

I must be the only Rhode Islander who hasn't gone to Jamestown and jumped off a cliff.

3. Ride in a hot air balloon.

Up, up and away.

4. Try out skiing.

Cash me in the next Olympics, how bout dat.

5. Try out snow boarding.

Shawn White, I'm coming for you.

6. Go bungee jumping.

Because at least this time I'll be attached to something.

7. Go to Portugal.

I mean I'm Portuguese so I have to go at some point, right?

8. Go to Cape Verde.

Once again, I'm Cape Verdean so I have to go.

9. Vist one of the seven wonders of the world.

I mean hey, Egypt's on, my bucket list.

10. Try out surfing.

It's only natural that somebody from the Ocean State knows how to surf.

11. Learn a new langauge.

Because my little bit of Portuguese, Spanish and Latin isn't cutting it anymore.

12. Travel to a state that I've never been to before.

Fun fact: I've only been to 17 of the 50 states.

13. Go paddle boarding.

Pretty boring but I've never done it.

14. Go scuba diving.

I'm from the Ocean State so I guess I should see the ocean up close and personal.

15. Learn how to line dance.

There's actually a barn in my state that does line dancing, so this one will definitely get crossed off.

16. Go kayaking.

All this water around me and I haven't done a lot of the water activites.

17. Stay the night in a haunted hotel room.

I bet if I got my friends to come with me, it would be like the Suite Life of Zach and Cody episode, minus the ghost coming out of the wall but you never know.

18. Get my palms read.

Because who doesn't want to know their future.

19. Go to a medium.

Like a medium that can communicate with people that have died.

20. Take a helicopter ride.

Air plane: check Helicopter:....

21. Sleep under the stars.

Because sleeping in a tent is more like glamping than camping

22. Just to try new things in my everyday life.

Whether it's trying a new restaurant, getting something different at my usual restaurants, changing my usual style, going on the scary rides at amusement parks, and bringing things I used to do back into my life now.

Cover Image Credit:

Author's illustration

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I Woke up In The Middle Of The Night To Write About My Fears, They're Worse Than The Dark

One minute I'm thinking about what I want to do after college next thing I know I'm remembering the time I tried talking to a boy and choked on my spit.

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It is one of those nights when I am tired, but for some reason, I can't seem to fall asleep. So, what do I do? I pull out my laptop, and I begin to write. Who knows where it will lead. It could lead to a killer article or something that does not make sense. I mean it is almost 2 A.M. In my mind, that's pretty late.

Anyways, let's do this thing.

Like many people, thoughts seem to pile up in my head at this time. It could be anything from a time when I was younger to embarrassing stories to wondering why I am "wasting" my time somewhere to thoughts about the future. All of these things come at me like a wildfire. One minute I'm thinking about what I want to do after college next thing I know I'm remembering the time I tried talking to a boy and choked on my spit.

The thought that is going through my mind as I write this is about the future. It's about the future of my fears. Let me explain. I have multiple fears. Some of my fears I can hide pretty well, others I am terrible at hiding. My fears may seem silly to some. While others might have the same fears. Shall we start?

1. My career

I don't know where to begin with this one. For as long as I can remember, my consistent dream job has been working in the world of sports, specifically hockey. A career in sports can be and is a challenging thing. The public eye is on you constantly. A poor trade choice? Fans are angry. Your team sucks? "Fans" are threatening to cheer for someone else if you can't get your sh*t together. You can be blamed for anything and everything. Whether you are the coach, general manager, owner, it does not matter. That's terrifying to me, but for some reason, I want to work for a team.

2. My family

Julie Fox

Failing with my family, whether that be the family I was born into or my future family, it terrifies me. I have watched families around me fall apart and I have seen how it has affected them. Relationships have fallen apart because of it. I have heard people talk about how much they hate one of their parents because of what happened. I don't want that.

3. Time

This could be a dumb fear. I'm not sure, but I fear time. With every minute that passes, I am just another minute closer to the end. With every day that passes that I am not accomplishing goals or dreams I have, I am losing precious time. It scares me to think of something horrible like "What if I die tomorrow because of something horrific?" or even worse, "What if I don't make it through today?" It's terrible, I know.

4. Forgetting precious memories

When I was younger, I had brain surgery. It is now much harder for me to remember things. I am truly terrified that I am going to forget things I will want to hold close to me forever, but I won't be able to. I am scared I'll forget about the little things that mean a lot. I'm afraid of forgetting about old memories that may disappear. I'm worried that I'll forget about something like my wedding day. That might seem out of this world, but it's a reality for me.

5. Saying "goodbye"

I hate saying bye. It is one of my least favorite things. Saying bye, especially to people I don't know when I'll see again, is a stab in the heart for me. I love my people so much. I love being around them. I love laughing with them. Thought of never having a hello with them again scares me beyond belief.

6. Leaving places that I love

Alright, let me start off by saying this- it takes a lot for me to love a place. It has to feel like home. It has to make me feel comfortable. It has to be a place I can go to and be myself. Thankfully, I have had and still have multiple places that are like that. I have also had places I could not wait to leave. I think that's why leaving places I love is so hard and something I fear so much. I am afraid I'll never get that place "back", for lack of a better term. I guess, I'm trying to say, it's like a piece of me is leaving as well.




These six things are just the start of my fears. Some of these might seem "dumb" or "ridiculous" to you, but for me, it's my life. These are the things that I think about the most. These are the things that feel like a pit in my stomach. These six things are parts of my life that mean a lot to me.

Cover Image Credit:

Emily Heinrichs

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