“You are worthless.”
“You are unloved.”
“You do NOT deserve to be alive.”
“You are ugly.”
“No one listens to you.”
“There is no point of trying.”
These are the lies that I have sketched to my brain for too many years. I have become convinced that all of these plus so many more self-defeating ideas are true. My mental illness has made it worse because I actually believed the lies I was telling myself. No matter how many times someone told me that it wasn’t true I just brushed it off, telling myself that they really did not know the person that I was. I was broken, selfish and destroying my life with the ideas I had formed in my head.
While I had these thoughts running through my mind I had people who love me who continued to tell me that they were not true. Whether it was a guy that I had dated, my parents or my best friend who were telling me I am worth something, that I am loved, that I do deserve this life, that I am beautiful, that they listen to me or that there is a purpose, I let it all go in one ear and out the other. This is what I should have avoided doing. I should have taken it in and understood that.
It was not until I heard a talk about respecting yourself and learning how to love yourself that I realized I was not what I was telling myself. I am what God created me to be, I am created in His image. Which means that I need to start telling my-self that:
“You are worth more than you think.”
“You are loved.”
“You DO deserve to be alive.”
“You are Beautiful.”
“You share amazing things.”
“There is reason to keep trying.”
Now, I understand that I may not always believe these things but it is important that when I do not believe it, I tell myself to believe it! I have to believe it because Christ created me to use me to share His glory. Every human is created for something specific, for something great. We each have a purpose because we each bring something completely different to this world. Without our existence on this planet, things would be completely different.
When you start thinking that you are worthless remember you are here for a reason. When you feel unloved remember that Christ loved you so much that He gave up His own life for you. When you do not want to live remember that you have a purpose to life even if you do not know it. When you think that you are not beautiful remember that we are completely unique. When you feel like there is no reason to try, remember that you are going to do amazing things.
Self-doubt can be very difficult but it also makes you stronger. It makes you stronger because at some point you have to learn how to truly love the person you are.
