The other night, one of my best friends was lying in my bed, upset over a boy. She’s smart, beautiful, funny, sassy, the entire package. She could have any boy that she wanted, and here she was, upset over a boy who doesn’t realize how lucky he is to have her in his life. As we were talking and I was attempting to console her, she said something that really resonated with me. It was a short, simple, straight-forward sentence that left no room for interpretation. Yet it was something that many of us feel and worry about, but this was the first time I had ever heard it articulated. “I feel like I’m unlovable.”

First of all, let me make this very clear: you are NOT unlovable. I don’t care how many people have hurt you, left you, betrayed you, broke your heart, or made you feel worthless. Don’t ever believe that you aren’t lovable or worthy of being loved. That boy who broke up with you, that friend who just betrayed you, that family member who always puts you down, they don’t cherish you. Even so, just because those people didn’t appreciate and love you like they should, doesn’t mean that everyone else will be like them. Ignore those thoughts that creep into your head when you’re upset and wondering why you weren’t good enough.

Second of all, your ability to be loved isn’t based off of other people. Just because someone suddenly woke up one morning and decided that they no longer loved you does not mean that it was your fault. That is their fault. You were the one who loved more and got hurt. That makes you the exact opposite of unlovable. Someone is going to come along and cherish all of that love that you have built up inside of you that’s aching to come out. Remember that when you have tears streaming down your face or when you decide to drink away your feelings and spend the next morning leaning over the trash can.

Third of all, no one can define you, except you. There is not one person in this world who can say that you are “unlovable.” Sure you may be sassy or emotional or clingy at times, but that does not mean that you are anything besides the unique individual that you are. You’re a pretty awesome person, so why not define yourself like that? Why would you go for unlovable? How about intelligent, witty, funny, beautiful, strong, compassionate, to name a few?

Everyone has had their heart hurt, stomped on, or ripped out of their chest. There are so many second thoughts and insecurities that start creeping into your head after that. There is that doubt that you’ll never find someone that will love you like that again, and the worry that it was all your fault. I assure you that it wasn’t. I can also assure you that you are most definitely NOT unlovable. There are plenty of people who will love and cherish you the way that you deserve to be. Keep your head up. You don’t want your crown to slip.