My whole life, I've been surrounded by people who say that their parents are their biggest cheerleaders, or the ones they call when things happen (whether good or bad). I definitely agree that my mom is one of the first people I call when things get intense, but the first person I always call also happens to have the first phone number I ever memorized, and that person is you, Grammy.
From the moment I met you, I am told that it was magical. My mom tells me that she knew right away that I was "Grammy's girl." As soon as I was old enough to carry a conversation (in my case 2) it was you that I was constantly wanting to call day and night. There is a naked baby picture of me on the phone in a cardboard box, feet up in the air, chatting it up with my biggest fan: Grammy.
As I grew older, something was different about the love we shared. Where I wanted to make my parents proud because I felt like that was what I was supposed to do, I somehow knew that you would be proud of the little things. I knew that no achievement was too small, or too insignificant to share with you.
When I grew isolated and mentally ill my freshman year of college, I never stopped wanting to talk to you. When my phone rang, interrupting my deep brooding sessions in the dark, I always answered when I saw your number. You were the only person on this Earth that made me feel like talking wasn't a chore, but a sliver of happiness.
When I went to treatment, I wanted to keep it secret from you, but I couldn't, because you're my best friend. When I did tell you, you did the opposite of what I thought you would do. Instead of freaking out or arguing or questioning my choice you said, "you do what you need to do to get better sweetheart. Papa and I are with you."
When I got out of treatment, but still struggled against my depression, you were the voice on the end of the phone, giving me something to hold on to when I desperately needed an anchor to keep me from taking my life.
All the times that I've teased you and rolled my eyes because you insist on calling me (at the age of 21) and singing "you are my sunshine," I've secretly been thankful. Those voicemails are all saved on my phone, and to this day, when I am down, I play them because nothing comforts me like the sound of your voice.
When I hate and judge who I am, you are always the first one to protest. Though I stand by the fact that you are blinded by the fact that you are the world's best Grammy, you believe so strongly that I am good, that sometime's I believe it too. When you vehemently argue that I am not crazy, or stupid, or hopeless, I feel the passion in your voice to my very core and I tell myself that you are right--that I am not so bad.
When you tell me not to talk to strangers, I laugh and tease you, but secretly I think it's sweet that you still care enough to tell me that.
More than what you do for me now, I am thankful for what you have done for me for the last 50 years. With the help and support of my amazing Papa, you raised the most impressive human being I have ever met: my mom.
She is who she is today: the good, the bad, and the ugly (but also the beautiful), because of the two of you.
So thank you Grammy. For being my best friend. For being the voice on the other end of the phone. For raising the ultimate warrior. For never judging me, yet still somehow guiding me. For making me believe that one day I can be the person you see when you look at me. For never giving up on me, even when I appear a lost cause. Thank you for the embarrassing Facebook comments, and the singing voicemails. Thank you for allowing me to prank you as often as I do, and for still threatening to "whoop my butt" when I step out of line. Thank you for calling me around the time I'm supposed to get home from a long drive and making sure I made it home safe. Thank you for reading every article and blog post and always telling me you're proud of me. Thank you for teaching me how to be soft and sensitive, and how to avoid judging myself harshly. Thank you for telling me I'm smart and beautiful and important, even when I don't feel that I am.
But most of all, thank you for being my sunshine in a life that can sometimes be quite dark.
I love you more than words can ever say.
-Your favorite Grandchild
