You Are My Home

They say home is where your heart is, but what if it’s with you? What if I told you that in the couple of years, I have not stopped thinking about you. Or that I cried myself to sleep because you were no longer here, or I dated other people thinking that they would distract me from you? It didn’t.

I close my eyes and I can see you holding me close, telling me that you love me. Do you want to know something? I still love you with everything that I have in me.

I can see flashbacks you smiling at me when I am completely unaware and you laughing about my shyness and calling me beautiful. Did you know that you are the only guy that I let call me beautiful? If someone else does it, I sit and question if they are talking about the person that I am or the body that I have.

It is always the little things that lead me back to you, for instance, the color red. You told me that you had an allergy to red dye when you were younger and that is why I always ate the red ones for you because I wanted you to be okay. I no longer eat skittles thanks to the many flashbacks that I had about you.

The smell of your cologne on a rainy day takes me back to you holding me when I was cold, sick, or just wanted to be held. The white snow that graces the ground reminds me of the time that you were so eager to kiss me while the cold snowflakes hit our cheeks. Chocolate, because your dog’s name was Coco. That one specific day in May that I try to ignore because an entire flood of memories come back to me.

The both of us are two wild, stubborn hearts but we could set the world on fire with our love. You meant the world to me, and you still do.

I know, it is crazy that the strong independent woman that I am has a soft spot for someone like you, someone who has broken me more than I could count. Someone who could possibly break and shatter me again.

Am I scaring you as you are reading this article?

Yes?

Well, you scared me when you left me. You pushed me away just like you said you wouldn’t and no matter how many times I tried to get you to come back, you did not. I pushed away from you as well and thought that if I did what you did to me, I would grow to hate you and I could move on with my life. Not a chance in the world. If anything, I understood your mistakes, recognized my faults, and somehow fell deeper in love with you.

I thought you left for good and strangely one simple, random Instagram follow turned into a hello and there is where I realized that I have not stopped loving you. Love starts with a simple hello.

Your name still drips off my lips as if you weren’t so far away. The trace of your fingertips still lingers in my mind. I miss the way you touched when you knew I was in deep thought. I can still hear your voice echo on the nights where I cannot sleep.

You could not stand my stubbornness as much as I could not stand yours and you told me I could tell you anything. Here goes nothing,

When I think of you I think about us being well settled into our careers, raising a family together and being madly in love. So in love with each other that it gives people hope that love does exist. You were it for me, you probably still are. I think about the beauty of trusting you with my heart without hesitation because I know that you will carefully guard it. Do you understand how bad this scares me? This scares me more than anything in this world. If you wanted to, you could break me all over again just like you did before. I am choosing to ignore that risk because I want to be happy, with you. I want you to be happy as well, with me or with someone else, I just hope they treat you right.

You are where my heart is, and you will always be my home. Forever and always.