Anyone who knows me knows that I am a “yes” person. What I mean by that is I would do anything I could to help people who needed it, even if that meant hurting myself in the process. Now, please understand that I don’t say this with the intentions of patting myself on the back— I actually hate that part about myself. I hate causing myself pain because I thought that's how I could bring joy to others. I am afraid of letting people down, so I would apologize for anything and everything, even if I hadn't done anything wrong.
I am the girl who strived to be able to fix anything and everyone. I wanted to be the girl everyone would think of when they needed help with something. I wanted them to think “Ugh, I can't figure this out, I’ll call Anitza. She’ll definitely know how to help!” You need a car wash? I’m on my way. Have a flat tire? I’ll change it for you. Don't have the perfect shirt to wear tonight? I’ll sew one for you. Need help with chemistry homework? I’m not in chemistry, but I’ll learn the subject just to try and help you out. Broke up with your significant other? I promise to give you the best advice I can think of. No matter what it is, please call me. Please let me help you. Please ask me for help because for some stupid reason I decided to build my self-worth around helping others, around how much others need me.
As people, we often tend to think of others and I am, constantly. Anytime I see something in a store that I know would make someone smile, I buy it instantly, without a second thought. It's not because I want anything in return, but because it's just who I am, it's the way I'm wired.
I’m the type of person who will beg you to tell me what's wrong because I want nothing more than to help you, but I won't burden you with my problems. I’ll forgive you even if you don’t deserve it, because I find happiness in other people's happiness. Though I hate this trait about myself, I feel that it makes me pretty easy to get along with, because I’m usually always down to do what everyone else wants to do.
Now, this trait is second nature for me, it comes naturally, but that doesn't mean it isn't stressful always worrying about other people. That doesn't mean that I find all of my joy doing things for others. It's very lonely and most of the time I forget to take care of my own happiness, but since I’ve been in college, I feel as if I have somewhat grown out of this trait— that it's okay to say no. I’ve started to remind myself that it's okay just to do things for me every once in awhile.
