”It’s just a compliment!”

So say any number of men about lewd or crude comments yelled at women on the street. In their wake they leave numerous young men wondering, is it actually okay to compliment a random woman in the hopes of starting a conversation with her, or will it be “creepy"?

As you might guess, it depends.

The key to giving true, welcome compliments is like the key to being able to do most other things: you practice.

That is, you practice complimenting people.

You tell the little kid holding his mom’s hand in front of you in line that you like his dinosaur t-shirt. You tell the old woman with the walker on the bus that her hat looks great on her. You tell the guy playing guitar on the street that it sounds great, even if you don’t have money to give him.

Think about a “complimentary” gift when you buy something, or “complimentary” items or services at a hotel. Do they give those to you because they’re hoping you’ll think well of them and they’ll hear from you again? Of course. Do they give them to you expecting that they’ll hear from you again? Of course not. Is a company going to come storming after you at some point demanding the return of their complimentary gift because you didn’t respond the way they wanted you to? Definitely not.

So you give your compliment. Then it’s the other person’s turn. If they don’t respond at all, or give a one-word answer, or don’t seem to want to talk to you, they don’t want to talk to you. You’ve given your gift; just move on, with a smile.

On the other hand, if they respond, go ahead and turn it into a conversation, and you’re on your way to getting to know them!

So, what if you’re sitting through all this thinking “Why would I want to compliment babies or old people, I just want to holler at the sexy ladies"? In that case, save your breath: anything you might want to say to a woman (I’m not going to speculate) isn’t a true compliment.

Compliments aren’t for you, they’re for the person you give them to. And they’re free: no strings attached.