Whenever I mention to people that I am an introvert, I tend to receive one response:
“So does that mean you hate people?”
In high school, I would have answered that with a firm, “Yes.” But now that I understand myself a little better (and hate the world a little less), I can give a more accurate answer. Yes, I am an introvert. No, I do not hate people. I simply need time away from them so that I may “recharge” as some people call it.
How do we recharge? Each introvert is quite different, actually. Personally, I prefer sitting outside and writing or finishing up some schoolwork at a quiet coffee shop (let’s be real, I end up in a dark corner of Starbucks). I know other people who need absolute solitude or maybe just a solid afternoon nap. It really depends on how drained we are.
What drains us? Once again, to each his own. But every answer will include some form of socialization: texting, talking, partying, etc. Some introverts, though, have found a few precious people who do not drain them. I have four. These people are special to me because I can completely relax around them and have fun. Investing in my friends seems less like a chore and more like doing something I love. Social interest takes much effort for the typical introvert so if an introvert spends a lot of time around you, you just may be one of their precious people.
Why do we not like talking? As a general rule, we simply do not speak if we have nothing to say. Much of our time we spend in our heads thinking about who knows what. My friends and family, however, would tell you that once I am comfortable, I actually talk a lot. Because we are internal processors, we think much more than we speak. The introverts you know probably write. Sometimes it is our only option to obtain coherence.
Simply because social interaction drains us does not mean that we also must hate people. It is quite the opposite for most introverts. We highly value the friendships we have, and we invest much of our time and effort to build friendships. Sometimes, it just takes a little longer for us. And this is okay.
Unfortunately, I have known too many people who choose not to build the friendship with an introvert because “there was no connection” (upon meeting, texting conversations, etc). It takes time, a lot of it. So, if you know any of us introverts, stick with us. Talk to us. Let us be ourselves. And we will do the same for you.
We do not hate you; we just need time.
