I have blamed growing up with brothers for a lot of things in my life and that doesn't stop now. From thumb wars to games of tag to school sports and sports leagues, heck, to just about anything I can make a competition, I.hate.losing.

First off, no, it's not "just a game". Whether you're a kid on the playground or on the court of your high schools gymnasium or playing the game of your life in Rio's 2016 Olympics, saying its "just a game" is never okay. As a kid you're not just sprinting across the playground for fun, you're racing for bragging rights, for the girl or boy you like to see or dibs on a spot in the cafeteria. Of course those things sound like no big deal now, but when you're in that position, as some of you can remember (I know I can) it is a big deal! In those young years what others think about you is everything. As for high school, it's a whole different story. You're not only playing for others but your play quality and play time could affect your future. There's nothing more aggravating then being told it's just a game at this age because it's so much more. In high school you're playing for your school, you're wearing their name across your chest and more importantly, fighting for numbers on the wall. Walking through the hallways of school the next day hearing about how bad you were beat, is icing on the cake. The disappointment cake. Knowing a college scout could be watching and potentially debating on granting you a future that's paid for is enough treachery to worry about.

The thing about being a sore loser is it's not like a light switch. It's not something I can turn off when the game isn't serious. It's like a business deal, it's got your name and face on it so you want it to end with a win. Family and friends who don't suffer from this don't understand the tole it takes on you, and unfortunately it's really hard to explain. Yes I wish I could turn it off, I wish I could not let every single mistake I or another makes affect me. I try so hard to control my emotions and keep a positive outlook for all other players on the court or field, after all good sportsmanship is the most respected thing in sports.

I wish there was some way to communicate that my emotions stem from my passion for the game. I'm not just out there for fun, or to win scholarships, I'm there because playing and being competitive is a release of stress. It's four quarters of knowing exactly what you want to happen and having the smallest amount of control over how things will happen, it's two matches of perfecting yourself and growing as an athlete and person. Before I understood what was happening I just tossed it into the basket of "I'm being over emotional". After most losses (sometimes during) I cried. It wasn't necessarily out of sadness, but more of a feeling of so much pressure built up in your body that you just sort of explode. There's no gauge to turn it off or release it somehow. It's like losing control of your emotions and feelings. It's scary knowing something can affect you so far into your core to cause something like this. One day I was asked why, why do you cry? My response was what opened my eyes to my problem, or lack of. I told them that you go in to the situation knowing you're thoroughly prepared and then not being able to reciprocate that into your play is so difficult and to know the talent you have and the work you put in is never enough. "It sounds like you really love this game". Well, of course I love it, I come out like every other student athlete and spend all waking hours practicing physically and mentally but it's something different. The love that causes this amount of passion isnt ordinary.

As I've grown to understand that my competitiveness and attitude of being a sore loser is something I'm growing and dealing with every day, I can and will be the first one to tell you. I'm overly aggressive on the court, I'll probably yell at you and I'm not a -stay and chat- type BUT I will always be right behind you in a time of need, I know you need an even amount of assurance and positive-feedback as you do constructive criticism and you'll never find someone who loves the sport as much as me. So yes, I'm a sore loser and there's nothing wrong with that.