Dear Parent,
Adulting is hard. There are so many tensions and responsibilities. You have to figure everything out and there is no running away. And sometimes, things just keep adding up and life becomes overwhelming. You become frustrated and all these feelings build up in your system, and then BAM. Everything just comes out on your child. They do one small thing wrong or mess up something, and you blow up. You yell so much not only because you are mad at your child for what they did, but also you get all your frustration out from the other things bothering you.
You might feel better after letting everything out, but have you ever thought about your child? Especially, if this yelling happens on a normal basis. Do you know how much this affects your child?
Well, I'm assuming no if you continue to do so.
Your child is an easy target. Clearly, they do not have much power. They live under your roof and are financially dependent on you. If they speak up, you can quickly shut them up by saying they need to stop talking back to you. Pretty much, you can say whatever you want to them, and they can't really do anything about it. But the effect all the yelling has on them is beyond what you can imagine.
First, they become scared of you. I'm sorry, you might enjoy that power, but that is literally creating a rift in your relationship with them. When your child is scared of you, they don't tell you things. When they need help or someone there for them, you become the last person they go to, because they are afraid all you're going to do is yell. They will only push you away and as years go on, they will become more and more distant.
Second, all the yelling impacts your child's personality. They become scared to make mistakes. And, that not only prevents them from trying new things, but that also makes them rethink their normal activities and forces them to be extra careful about the smallest things. In addition, when you tell them to "stop talking back" when they are only speaking up for themselves, they shut down their voice not only in front of you but in front of others too. They become timider and that affects them in the long run.
So please stop yelling at your child to get your frustration out. Find a new way to deal with your anger, but don't put it out on your child. It might help you in the short run, but it affects them negatively in the long run.
