My husband laughs at my devotion to Yoga With Adriene. She is a yogi that I stumbled upon on YouTube almost two years ago, and she has been a major inspiration to me on my journey to becoming stronger and healthier physically.
Several weeks ago, Adriene sent out an email talking about Yoga Revolution, the upcoming thirty-day yoga installment on her YouTube channel. It is her first one in a year, and I was so excited hearing about it. She pushed it on Instagram. She sent encouraging emails to subscribers with free print-out calendars to help keep track of progress. I made it my singular New Year's resolution to do the thirty days.
Maybe my aspirations were too high.
I woke up on and left the yoga mat rolled up in a corner, too tired from a family vacation to be bothered. The next day rolled around, and I was put out that I had missed the first day. It was January second, and I couldn't just jump in, since that would be unfair to all the people who had done it right, on January first. So I skipped and skipped until a few days ago when I decided my body couldn't take it anymore. I had been tense from travel and unhealthy eating for weeks, and I had to do something. I pulled up a random video on the Yoga With Adriene channel, and I got on the mat.
The video started, and I lay still on the ground, breathing deep and "snuggling my shoulders into my heart-space", and Adriene said something about releasing toxic thoughts. She says it often, mostly in respect to a negative body image, so I almost missed it. Then she said it again. Just breathe in, and release all of those toxic thoughts you've let build up.
If God had come down and knocked me over the head with a lightning bolt, I couldn't have been more convicted. You see, I put way too much weight on this New Year. I had this expectation that immediately upon the christening of 2017 that I should be a different person. But I am me. I procrastinate. I forget things, and I forget them often. I am easily distracted. I don't see the big picture. I feel like I'm not good enough most of the time.
But that doesn't mean I am a failure. It doesn't mean I have failed. It just makes me an imperfect human being.
Because I am also kind. I am gentle. I am passionate about this thing called life. I sing in the shower and while washing dishes and anywhere else I can. I like glitter and girly things. I have beautifully dainty hands and feet that make me feel like a fairy. I can cook. I can write. I can do a lot of things. I am pretty awesome when I stop and think about it.
And that's not me being prideful or vain. That is me being honest. And I think we all need to get a little more honest with ourselves. Honest enough to accept the good and the bad. Honest enough to love ourselves even when we fall short. Honest enough to see that the New Year's resolution being checked off of the list at the beginning of your planner doesn't really matter.
What matters is that you wake up and decide that today will be different. Forget your New Year's resolution. Just be resolved about today.
