As a 20-year-old college boy, I go through this problem of being asked about my views on feminism more often than what one would imagine. A lot of my friends claim to be feminists, which again, is great! And I support their idea of equality more than anything else. But, when I get asked if I am a feminist or not, even if I take a three-second pause to think, I get attacked.
"You thinking?! That means you're not!"
"You're not a feminist? So you obviously think men are superior?"
No. Just because I am not a feminist doesn't mean I think men are superior. When I ask someone to define what feminism means, I get told that it stands for an idea that defines men and women to be equal in every way possible. When I say I am not a feminist, I am saying that they aren't equal. Nowhere am I saying that men are superior! They are just not equal. There are many places where men are more superior than women. But there are so many places where women are superior too!
And when I say that I don't think men are superior, and I just don't think they are equal. I get attacked again!
"Well, if they're not equal, you obviously mean men are superior."
That argument makes no sense to me! I see so many women doing better than men in so many places. And I see men doing better than women at other places too. That is just how it is. I don't believe in a strictly black or white world. I think there is a place where both ends meet. And I am very unapologetic about my view. The first time I asked someone about why they were a feminist, I was told that it was to identify complete equality, which I fail to understand. You can't have everything in a 50-50 ratio. Sorry. You can't divide my respect 50-50. Yes, there are issues that women face that men don't. Suffrage, equal pay, patriarchy even. And these are only a few. But, that doesn't mean that men don't have issues they face. Every single day, men too get targeted and judged about their job, their body, their pay, skills, political views everything. Just because it doesn't happen often, doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all.
I kept being told that just because I believe women deserve equal pay and equal rights I am a feminist. I believe in equal pay and equal say. But I also believe in equal action, that I barely see. I will call myself a feminist when there is more equality in actions than in thoughts. I was told about seven times that feminism is about being equal DESPITE differences. Which means there certainly is a difference. Another thing that bothers me this that when I say that we should just ignore it, I get frowned upon. The more you scratch at a wound, the deeper it gets. People want to keep pointing out that there is a difference and then say that we should function even when there is a difference but to ignore would mean death. Why can't I? I like to overlook the differences, and not have them bother me, which hurts people. I get asked to make sure I see that there is a difference and then work around the matter despite it being there. But dare I say that there isn't any! So where do I go? There can either be a difference or there can be equality, that is basic science. People contradict their own words and twisting and turning them around as if they mean nothing.
People want to identify the differences, then say that there shouldn't be any and get mad when I say we should forget the differences. I want equality too, but that won't come if you keep saying that there is a difference. Equality in its every literal sense means to be equal. You can't possibly be equal and then say you are different too now, can you?
Time and again I see women and men who hear, understand and relate to my point of view. Men and women who want to work together, side by side, shoulder to shoulder but don't mind taking the back or the lead when asked to. That is what a great leader stands for. The ability to lead when they can, and the courage to back down when they know they can't and let someone else do it for the team. But that doesn't happen anymore. Everyone wants to come ahead and be the face of change. I don't think there is anything equal because I don't see anything being equal. As much as I want to say everything should be equal, I know it can't be. It just cannot. I am sorry.
