My mom took me to a rodeo one time and I definitely was out of place. I think the only relatable article of clothing I was wearing was a hat with the bill forward. I never considered myself a fashion person. As long I don't smell like shit then I look good. So I'm at this rodeo, wearing skinny black jeans with a white t-shirt and flannel, watching strapping young men ride a bull and act like their balls aren't being pulverized into oblivion. There are these breaks they take where the host and some guy in a clown suit, who I assumed dropped out of college, do these skits. Obviously staged, which I have no problem with, I do staged things all the time. But there was a point where they were talking about fashion. I'm gonna interrupt within this speech to kind of point out some things.
"Men. Boys. Listen up here." First of all, can you not just say men? I guess I get trying to impact a young boy's life by this advice you're about to give but they really don't give a shit they just came to see bulls act like they're high on coke. "I see a lot of you postin on the facebook and the twitter and the instachat or whatever you call it." To quote Justin Timberlake from the 2010 movie "The Social Network" in his role as Sean Parker. Lose the "the." Just Facebook. And also, "instachat?" What are you, my grandma? There are three year-old kids who know how to work phones now. I bet you can't even look at your phone without having to stretch your arm and lean your head down cause you forgot your glasses on the Porta-Potty outside."Now I understand you wanna look good for them ladies out there. I understand that." Excuse me, I believe you mean girls and women, but continue. "But I got one thing to tell you." And this next part is about where I almost lost my shit. And by lost I mean almost have a brown bottom. "And I gotta tell you right now. Skinny jeans will never, ever be cool. Never." Imagine a skinny Mexican kid with a full beard sitting in a crowd full of white people who actually enjoy going to a rodeo. I felt like 1,000 eyes were pointed directly at me. Roars of laughter erupted from the crowd as they dropped their chili dogs on their overalls and toss their cowboy hats up in praise. "No skinny jeans! No skinny jeans!" they screamed.
I don't mean to be a negative Nancy or anything but I had to split the hell out. But as I sat there frozen in fear I realized that, almost every person in that building was wearing blue jeans. Tight, thigh gripping, seam killing, country looking blue jeans. So how are you gonna sit up there and tell these MEN that a choice of clothing will never ever be cool. That's like saying "Ladies. Girls. Leggings will never, ever, be cool." Like, get out of here dude. I'm gonna wear what I want cause I can. If I got it then I can flaunt it. And to prove this guy wrong, skinny jeans are cool. Leggings are cool. If you think you look cool then you will feel cool. Plus it's not all about being cool anyways, it's all about indecent exposure. And loving how you look. So, men and women, take into consideration that if you ever go to a rodeo, wear skinny jeans and see what happens.
