More than a thousand years before Descartes said "I think therefore I am," St. Augustine wrote "Fallor ergo sum" meaning "I err therefore I am." So, like an eternity ago, people knew- being wrong is part of being human. I want to write about this because of a TED Talk by Kathryn Schulz on this subject. She explains why things are the way they are and how our view of reality can impact our success. I have always thought that being right was the most important thing- science and knowledge are the keys to success. I still think this way, but I have realized that a huge part – maybe the most important part – is all the wrong that leads to learning along the way.
How does it feel to be wrong?
Sad? Embarrassing? Terrible?... Nope, wrong. (haha, it’s okay)
When you raise your hand in class to answer the instructor’s question and you are confident you have the right answer, that feels pretty good. But how does it feel when she says “Nope! Anyone else?” It’s that, the sinking feeling, the realizing you’re wrong, that stinks. Being wrong doesn’t actually feel like anything! Actually, as Schulz points out, being wrong feels exactly like being right- it’s how you’re perceiving reality.
So, if it’s really okay to be wrong…
Why does it feel bad?
Maybe because of all the things you can be wrong about? And how sure it is that someone will let you know when it happens. We have been conditioned to think that being wrong, and making mistakes, is bad. Making a wrong turn, literally or figuratively, or failing a test makes you, well... a loser. But other people are going to make those same mistakes, and if you can learn from them you're kind of a winner.
Okay so I'm not saying that I think you should be failing tests and then saying "but I thought mistakes were good!" What I am saying is to think about all of the times you did get a question wrong, and how the correct answer is now cemented in your brain to ensure you don't fail again. So it sucked that first time, in that moment, but now you learned something from it and being wrong before made you better now.
Why does this matter?
Once we have made our stance clear, we feel embarrassed at the possibility of being wrong and insist we are right even when we don’t have the information to prove it. We actually ignore information that contradicts what we “know” because of the fear of wrongness.
If every person is right about everything, then there is just one boring reality. No imagination, no wondering, no invention, and no learning. The beautiful part of thinking is being able to compare ideas and even combine them. If we didn't have the chance to be wrong, and learn from our mistakes, then there would be no scientific method- and nothing new.
OK, so is this really about decision making?
Yes! And as Dan Gilbert said,
"our brains were evolved for a very different world than the one in which we are living. They were evolved for a world in which people lived in very small groups, rarely met anybody who was terribly different from themselves, had rather short lives in which there were few choices"
Really, it isn't our fault. We have flawed decision-makers (aka brains) because they were designed for an eat-now-mate-now-think-later lifestyle.
So what can I do?
You can think more carefully about your decisions. Try not to decide whether to move in with someone or tell off your best friend in the heat of the moment. Don't drop a class when you find out you failed that test. Don't yell at your mom... ever. Don't just think about the now. Moving in is a big step and you should think about it. You are probably going to regret whatever you're about to say, even though your friend is being a serious d-bag. And do you even know what you got wrong on that test? Maybe you can recover. You're probably going to have to take it again if you drop now!
So, as my mom always says, think before you drink. Put genuine thoughts into your actions and try to do the thing that's best for you over all- not just right now. Don't let yourself believe that a moment of happiness now is worth suffering later because science has proven that when you make that decision you are under-estimating your future pain.
Let me leave you with just one more Dan Gilbert quote,
"We are the only species on this planet that has ever held its own fate in its hands ... the things that normally cause species to become extinct are no longer any threat to us. The only thing that can destroy us and doom us are our own decisions. If we're not here in 10,000 years, it's going to be because we underestimated the odds of our future pains and overestimated the value of our present pleasures."
