Ever since we were young, we have been told that confidence is key. “Just be yourself, don’t worry about what other people say." It’s a popular message that has been spread through all facets of media. Turn on the radio and you will hear the likes of Kelly Clarkson, Demi Lovato, and Hailee Steinfield belting out tunes about self-empowerment and self-love. We see celebrities preaching about how we should love who we are and accept ourselves as individuals.

“Screw the haters!” The masses seem to echo. “Confidence is sexy!”

And yet, while love thy self is a popular notion in our modern day society, society also has a way of being a massive hypocrite.

For the times we say that people should embrace their uniqueness, we simultaneously (whether subconsciously or blatantly) barrage others around us for displaying that confidence in themselves.

Don’t believe me? Take this example:

You see a girl in her late teens post a selfie on social media. The caption: Feeling confident and sexy today #myownwcw

What are your immediate thoughts? Are you immediately inclined to be like “you go girl!”?

OR are you more likely to think “Wow, someone is a bit full of herself.”

What if this someone is an unconventional kind of beauty? Maybe a little curvier, maybe she has few pimples (gasp!), maybe her hair isn’t silky and straight like those Pantene cover models.

Would you still be accepting of her display of self-confidence?

Whatever your answer may be, there are still a good deal of people out there who would judge her for showing a positive attitude towards her own appearance. In fact, the very same people who comment on her post saying “yaaaasss girl slayyy” could be the same ones who really think she posts way too many selfies and may need to get checked out for narcassitic personality disorder.

The thing is, there is nothing wrong with having self-confidence or saying positive things about ourselves. I mean, isn’t that the thing our own icons say we should be doing? So then how come when someone else does it, even it doesn’t affect us in any way, we get annoyed and feel like they are going overboard?

One possible explanation for this is that a lot of us are inherently competitive with each other. This could stem from the fact that our society as a whole has brainwashed us into wanting to be better than those we surround ourselves with. Call it survival of the fittest if you will. Because of our need to be the best, whenever someone shows some confidence in themselves, whether in their looks or skills, we could possibly feel threatened. It means they must have something we don’t, so our basic instinct is to undermine whatever confidence they possess.

Another possible explanation is that modern day media has warped our view of ideal beauty so much, that if someone is a bit different from the status quo we immediately think they aren’t beautiful.

When in reality, anyone who possesses a healthy level of self-confidence is beautiful.

We all have features that we should admire about ourselves. We as a collective group should be accepting and encouraging of each other’s positive attributes and confidence. And yet, because of our own insecurities and skewed beauty standards, we have grown into the habit of bringing down others who are different.

I know I have been guilty of such habits.

So next time we see someone who makes themselves their own “trap queen”, stop and think, is that really such a bad thing?