5 Step Guide To Writing An Infuriating Facebook Comment

5 Step Guide To Writing An Infuriating Facebook Comment

Based on 8 months of research, a recipe for pessimistic political discourse
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The Facebook comments under links to news articles are special. Unlike the comments section under a post you share with your family and friends, the comments section under news is ostensibly a public space, a place of near anonymity where anyone can stand on the table and say anything and anyone can tear down anyone. It’s theatrical, at its core. A bar fight.

In a world of kill or be killed, a comment that can hold its own is one that immediately repulses people of differing views while subtly suggesting that you, its author, are beyond help. Logic and facts will no longer speak to you, so don’t bother. This is a balancing act every quality comment must accomplish. Here are some foolproof ways to hit the mark every time:

1. Invoke conspiracy and/or the paranormal.

There are these videos that allege that some musician is part of the Illuminati or worships Satan by playing a snippet of one of their songs backwards to reveal some sinister message.

The perfect comment seeks to mimic them. Create a reality that supports your opinion. Play by new rules. Twist evidence. Call Hillary Clinton a witch. What can people say to that? A closely related device is abusing language, particularly slang. No one wants to discuss Obama’s legacy with someone who spells ass like “azz.” It’s a wink and nudge that you live in a Wonderland-esque reality where that sort of thing is acceptable.

2. Nicknames make everything stick.


The utility of a nickname is obvious; Donald Trump applied this tactic to perfection. But the selection of a nickname requires skill. One of the worst things John Oliver did this past presidential election was trying to coin “Drumpf.” Classic liberal elitism! To understand “Drumpf” you need to read a few Wikipedia pages, watch a 20 minute video, and have some sense of paternalistic outrage. “Drumpf” is a PSA, not a nickname. Meanwhile, “Hitlary” was knocking people dead. The connection is simple and obvious. A good nickname should feel like jazz! Spontaneous! Natural!

3. Subtlety is stupid.



A literary Facebook comment is like a totaled car with a sick coat of paint. Everyone knows this, but not everyone thinks to weaponize this self-awareness. Think Jenny Holzer. Walk the line of the sublime; utilize the shock of the image. Capitalize words for emphasis, not grammar. Use all caps liberally. Leave NOTHING up to the viewer.

4. Clothe yourself in the gods.



Thomas Jefferson. Ronald Reagan. Invoke the infallible or revered. “[Insert name], do you hate the United States?” is maybe the perfect rebuttal. A related tactic is referencing the devil, be it Fox News or “special snowflakes” or just “Republicans.”

5. Everything is an opinion.



It's not just an iconic quote from an iconic movie! It is also a way of life! This is the true left-hand path. Pick and choose what you accept as a foundation of reality. Evaluate news according to your gut feeling. Intuit your response. Keep in the forefront of your mind whether accepting a certain fact will be convenient to you. This is the secret to a perfectly awful Facebook comment; regardless of whether you openly display this or not, as long as you decide not to heed the criticisms of your views, your Facebook comment will be truly impervious.

Cover Image Credit: TV Tropes

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100 Instagram Captions You'll Want To Use Right Now

Quotes, lyrics, sayings, and other ideas for Instagram captions!
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When it comes to Instagram we are often thinking about what to use as a caption for our photos that we take that we really want to post on Instagram. Sometimes we post the photo without a caption and sometimes we just use an emoji because we're stumped on finding a good caption to use for the photo. So we go the short route and just put an emoji as a caption for our photo. Well whether it is a selfie, a friend pic, group pic, or just need a caption for the photo, here are 100 captions to use for a photo. Some are lyrics, some are quotes and some are just a quick caption to use on your photo. Also here are some accounts you can follow that are worth following:

-@brandonwoelfel

-@tess_and_sarah

-@brandymelvilleusa

-@goldenretrievers_

-@cats_of_instagram

-@zodiac.signs

-@thegrilledpineapple

-@jazzjennings_

-@chipper_thegolddog

-@llauratheleo

-@heyshalice

-@sailorhaley

-@sandcloudteam

-@photosabss

-@sharkbaitblond

Here are Quotes To Use As A Caption/ Lyrics To Use As A Caption/ Quick Little Sayings To Use As A Caption: for your instagram photo that you wish to post !

1.Life goes on, with or without you.

2.Don't Worry Be Happy ! Bob Marley

3. Be Happy

4.Be Confident

5. Be Positive

6. Don't be a liar, everyone hates a liar

7. Chillen With My Peeps

8. Go Big Or Go Home

9. What's the deal?

10.The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it's all that matters.

11.Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

12, You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions.

13. You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions.

14. Forgive, yes. Forget, never.

15.There's a hole in my heart where you use to be.

16. I don't need any part time people in my life.

17. Get the Gist

18. Boy, it's the 21st centurey get with the program.

19. Hey, I just met you, this is crazy

20. I woke up like this

21. Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.

22. Beauty is power; a smile is it's sword

23. Last Day Of Class

24. I Donut Care

25. Got my donut and coffee today

26.Happy as a clam

27. Beach Days are the best

28.A friend will always make you smile, especially when you don't want to…

29. Always classy, never trashy, and a little bit sassy.

30. If only we could turn back time...

31. With You, I forget all my problems. With You, Time Stands Still.

32. Life's a climb, but the view is great

33. Ohana, means family, family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.

34. We come to love by not finding the perfect person but by learning to see imperfect person perfectly.

35. If I ever write a story about my life, don't be surprised if your name appears billion times.

36. "She's got that red lip, classic thing going on"

37 .I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship!

38. Best Friends make good times better and hard times easier!

39. Not sure what I did to deserve you as my best friend :)

40. I don't need your approval to be me.

41. So call me? maybe

42.I am who.I am, I am what I am, I do what I do and I ain't never gonna do it any different. I don't care who likes it and who don't.

43. Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.

44. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars - Ed Sheeran

45. Cause you're a sky full of stars- Cold Play

46 . I keep dancing on my own- Calum Scott

47. Can't keep my hands to myself- Selena Gomez

48. I just want to look good for you- Selena Gomez

49. Kill em with kindness -Selena Gomez

50. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. But when I say Sorry… I mean it!

51. Me? Weird? Please! I am Limited Edition

52, Turn that frown upside down

53. Smile its the best thing a girl can wear

54, Stay true

55. Laughing is the best medicine you can ever get!

56. You're the king, baby I'm your queen

57. Best Friends Forever !!!

58.Throwing it back to the good ole days!

59. Ugg Life

60. I know you like first name basis

61. *Sends selfie to NASA cuz I'm a star*

62. Basic white girl

63. Frisky Friday

64. My thoughts are stars that I cannot fathom into constellations,

65. Maybe our okays will be our infinities - The Fault In Our Stars

66. So hold onto me because i'm a little unsteady - Unsteady

67. This has got to be the best day of my life - Best Day Of My LIfe - American Author

68. She;s the beauty and he's the beast

69. All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. -Walt Disney

70. If you can dream it, you can do it.-Walt Disney

71.Hakuna Matata it means no worries for the rest of your days - The LIon King

72. "The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it." — Rafiki,

73. "Remember you're the one who can fill the world with sunshine." — Snow White, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

74 ."The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." — The Emperor, Mulan

75. "You don't have time to be timid. You must be bold and daring." — Lumière, Beauty and the Beast

76."All it takes is faith and trust." -- Peter Pan (Peter Pan)

77."A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference." -- Eeyore (Winnie the Pooh)

78."If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead." -- Gusteau (Ratatouille)

79. "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." -- The Emperor (Mulan)

80."A true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart." -- Zeus (Hercules)

81."Life's not a spectator sport. If watchin' is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya." -- Laverne (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

82. "The things that make me different are the things that make me ME." -- Piglet (Winnie the Pooh)

83."Giving up is for rookies." -- Philoctetes (Hercules)

84.. "Happiness is the richest thing we will ever own." -- Donald Duck

85. "Change is good." -- Rafiki (The Lion King)

86."Remember, you're the one who can fill the world with sunshine." -- Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarves)

87. "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." -- Walt Disney

88.Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky. Rabindranath Tagore
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/sunset...

89.The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_in...

90.The sky broke like an egg into full sunset and the water caught fire. Pamela Hansford Johnson
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/sunset...

91.Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. Swami Sivananda
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_in...

92..Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it. Kevyn Aucoin
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_in...

93.Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Audrey Hepburn
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_in...

94. Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you. Walt Whitman
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_in...

95.My power's turned on

Starting right now I'll be strong Read more: Rachel Platten - Fight Song Lyrics | MetroLyrics

96.Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. Buddha
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_in...

97.Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time like dew on the tip of a leaf. Rabindranath Tagore
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_in...

98.I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.' Muhammad Ali
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_in...

99. Why don't you be you

And I'll be me

Read more: James Bay - Let It Go Lyrics | MetroLyrics

100. Life is like a camera, we focus on the positives and develop from the negatives.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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I Use To Be An Avid Reader And Now I Can Remember The Last Time I Picked Up A Book

I don't have time; it's unfortunate, but true.

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Growing up, if I wasn't dancing or doing homework, I was reading. And I read A LOT. I was the type of kid to sit down and read a book in one go or read several books at one time. If a book wasn't in my hand, I was bored. My favorite thing was to go to bookstores and flea markets and search through rows and rows of books. I could never pick what I loved more: the smell of a new book or an old book.

Now, I can't seem to find the energy to pick up a book and read a few pages. It seems to take all the life out of me as I try to keep up with characters and plots.

As a college student, the only books I seem to read are textbooks and no one really like reading those. How is it that I, one of the few students who read over 100 books in a year as part of an English assignment, can remember the last time I picked up a book?

One of my goals for 2018 was to read more. Least to say, ten months in, I'm failing that goal pretty hard. As my list of 'To Read' grows out of control, my 'Read' remains a pretty short length. Admitting this isn't something I'm proud of and I know for a fact my younger-self would be more than displeased. I find that reading for pleasure isn't something adults have time for between school, work, family, or other obligations. Maybe my goal to jump head first into my love for reading was a little ambitious or maybe one day when I have a set schedule, I'll be able to enjoy it more frequently.

For the rest of the year and into 2019, I want to take a break from my hectic, nonstop life and read. A few pages, or a chapter, a day can make good habits so when I do have time to read, instead of binge-watching a new Netflix show, I'd be more likely to pull out a book instead. The point of reading is to enjoy it, not force it. I believe at one point I was only forcing myself to read books I no longer wanted. Even now in college, when I try to read I feel as if I'm forcing myself to do so. One day, I dream of getting out of this 'reading slump', finding the perfect book, and rediscovering my love for reading once more.

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