It is difficult to love an addict. Not just difficult, it is also discouraging, exhausting, bitter, and sad. Watching someone you love completely fade away in front of you is tiresome. Trying for years to form a relationship with someone who has stolen, lied, and who decided getting high is more important than being apart of your life. I made excuses for you at first, then reality finally slapped me. It was a hard, burning, stinging slap in the face. I was angry, still am on some days. I would not say your name, and if your name came up in a conversation I would have to excuse myself because I could feel the hatred building up inside my body.

People mess up. I understand that. It was the lies and the disregard for anyone else’s feelings, but your own. I saw and heard things that no one should ever have to hear from someone they loved. I spent many nights staying up struggling with emotions on the entire situation. These emotions would go from happy memories before the drugs, but then they would turn to anger and hate, and eventually ending with sadness. I saw the effects on everyone else in my family, and knew I was not alone on these feelings. Instead of that helping, that just intensified the hurt and anger.

I finally put up a white flag a long time ago. I stopped letting your choices affect my emotions. There are still days when the anger and hatred comes up again, and there are still some days when I remember the happier times, when you were my best friend, and someone I wanted to be like.

I have prayed for you, and thanked God that you are still alive. I forgave you, but I did forget you. I love you, always have, and always will. 

It is difficult to love an addict. Not just difficult, it is also discouraging, exhausting, bitter, and sad. Watching someone you love completely fade away in front of you is tiresome. Trying for years to form a relationship with someone who has stolen, lied, and who decided getting high is more important than being apart of your life. I made excuses for you at first, then reality finally slapped me. It was a hard, burning, stinging slap in the face. I was angry, still am on some days. I would not say your name, and if your name came up in a conversation I would have to excuse myself because I could feel the hatred building up inside my body.

People mess up. I understand that. It was the lies and the disregard for anyone else’s feelings, but your own. I saw and heard things that no one should ever have to hear from someone they loved. I spent many nights staying up struggling with emotions on the entire situation. These emotions would go from happy memories before the drugs, but then they would turn to anger and hate, and eventually ending with sadness. I saw the effects on everyone else in my family, and knew I was not alone on these feelings. Instead of that helping, that just intensified the hurt and anger.

I finally put up a white flag a long time ago. I stopped letting your choices affect my emotions. There are still days when the anger and hatred comes up again, and there are still some days when I remember the happier times, when you were my best friend, and someone I wanted to be like.

I have prayed for you, and thanked God that you are still alive. I forgave you, but I did forget you. I love you, always have, and always will.