From the moment I first met you, I wanted to hate you. I knew the feeling in the pit of my stomach wasn't something that I wanted to feel, no matter how good it felt. I knew loving you would end badly but yet I let myself fall for you because I couldn't let myself hate you.

I wish I could hate you because it would be so much easier. It would be so much easier than longing for the day you come back and say your biggest regret was ever leaving.

Hating you would be better than blocking and unblocking your number every few weeks to see if you missed me. Every time it's the same, no new messages.

If hating you made me forget you, I would hate you enough for the both of us.

Don't get me wrong, I mean I hate parts of you and I hate things that you have done to me. I hate that you never loved me enough to stick around. I hate that you left me to meet guys worse than you ever were. I hate you when I go on a date with someone else, because I always wish it was you.

See, that's the thing. As much as I want to hate you or as much as I think I do, I still hope that you will come back. I wait every day for that message or that phone call or that knock on the door from you. At the end of the day, I still hope it's going to be you that I end up with. I've only ever wanted it to be you.

I'm not over you yet. We still have unfinished business. I still have so many things to say to you; so many things to scream at you. So many items to throw at you in anger. I'm not finished with you yet so how could I hate you? How can I hate someone I so badly want to love? Someone I so badly want to love me?

I would hate you if I could, but I don't think I can.