Things Worth Pardoning Besides The Thanksgiving Turkey
Start writing a post
Student Life

5 Things Worth Pardoning This Thanksgiving That Aren't A Turkey

Pass the emotional stuffing, please.


Thanksgiving, the time we take out of the year to send our thanks without the help of a Hallmark card. Even though it would be easier, we cannot sum up our gratitude for the people and influences that got us closer to the end of another year.

As per tradition, Thanksgiving would not be complete without the presidential pardoning of the turkey and its send-off to a farm. In the same spirit, there are some things we would all like to pardon too.

1. The President.

Whatever your political affiliation, it's easy to place blame on a president for what happens to an entire country. We rarely think of the branches of government as playing a part in these mistakes. This time, however, it's more than necessary.

Current leader, President Fish Lips, of the free world has the mouth of a fish that is perpetually opened and it takes in bad ideas like a fish takes in water. This is a man that squints so much he can't see what he is doing to the country.

Fish are friends, not food, but this land shark thinks fish are friendly food fresh for him to eat. Thankfully there's less than a year left of this presidency and hopefully this pardon swims instead of sinks.

2. Racist relatives.

Nana baked some of here famous homemade dessert again this year. She also half-baked some pernicious after taste for your ears. Now that you're older, she assumes her choice words are still safe to share.

Come to think of it, there's a reason she never made chocolate chip cookies. You still love her despite her black and white thoughts. It was a different time, but that time has passed.

It's okay, for now. This pardon will last longer than her antiquated sense of right and wrong.

3. Weight watchers.

You thought you were going on a health kick starting on New Year's Day, but you didn't. You thought you were going to lift weights at the gym, but you lifted donuts into your face instead. No one blames you.

You tried and failed like the foodie you know you are. It's the one time of the year that Overeaters Anonymous don't have to hide their hunger.

The dinner table is a safe place this time of year; Thanksgiving is one big cheat day, even a cheat week, anyway. Feed your soul and pardon the waistline.

4. Drivers and shoppers.

Those teenagers are parking and blocking your driveway again, and in the wrong direction. Holiday shoppers are coming into stores with cheer but also dashing through the aisles to steal some deals.

It's hard not to succumb to the hustle and bustle year round, but at this time, it's unforgiving. Everyone can feel anonymous and feel special or more special, which is wrong.

The intentions are good, to celebrate the holiday, so a pardon is in order. Just don't park like you live here or elbow someone's grandpa to get to those knickknacks you need but don't want or want but don't need.

5. Birthdays in November and December.

We need to stop shaming people for being born in November and December. What about all those people born in the other ten months? Those come before December too. Plus, not everyone celebrates Christmas.

Why is it such a bad thing to receive a gift the month before Christmas anyway? Santa doesn't automatically scratch that person off his list every year because they got their gifts early.

Let them celebrate how they wish and pardon their parents for giving birth to them so close to the holidays.

Turkeys don't always get pardoned, they don't even get thanked for filling our bellies. A new tradition is in order: don't just thank each other, pardon each other as well.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Bruce Springsteen's Top 7 Lyrics

Everything Bruce says in his classic rock songs.

bruce springsteen album cover born in the usa

Anyone who was born and raised in New Jersey (or anywhere really) knows of Bruce Springsteen, whether or not they like him is a whole other situation. I hope that his hundreds of classic rock songs and famous high energy performances, even in his sixties he can put on better concerts than people half his age, are at least recognizable to people of all ages. Love him or hate him (I identify with the former) you have to admit that some of his songs and interviews have inspirational quotes and lyrics.

Keep Reading...Show less

New England Summers Are The BEST Summers

Why you should spend your next summer in New England.

Marconi Beach

Three years ago, I chose to attend college in Philadelphia, approximately 360 miles away from my small town in New Hampshire. I have learned many valuable lessons away from home, and have thoroughly enjoyed my time spent in Pennsylvania. One thing that my experience has taught me, however, is that it is absolutely impossible to beat a New England summer.

Keep Reading...Show less

Fibonacci Sequence Examples: 7 Beautiful Instances In Nature

Nature is beautiful (and so is math). The last one will blow your mind.

illustration of the fibonacci sequence

Yes, the math major is doing a math-related post. What are the odds? I'll have to calculate it later. Many people have probably learned about the Fibonacci sequence in their high school math classes. However, I thought I would just refresh everyone's memories and show how math can be beautiful and apply to physical things everywhere around us with stunning examples.

Keep Reading...Show less
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments