God Does Not Call Us To Be Comfortable

God Does Not Call Us To Be Comfortable

I am currently on the World Race in my first month and living in Colombia and God is doing crazy things


This whole experience has been one word…. UNCOMFORTABLE - from the moment I applied for the World Race, to being accepted, to packing for training camp, to actually leaving the country for a year. To be honest, I felt like the group joke at training camp because I came walking in with my fake nails, week-old spray tan, and lash extensions. I know for sure what people thought of me because some actually told me at the end (Pro Tip: don't say something negative to someone and use the "this is me asking for forgiveness for my thoughts" line because it is more damaging than you think.) I truly felt like no one would understand that where I was coming from and who I was, was totally normal because of where I was from.

I have never been camping a day in my life, yet I was not afraid of picking out a tent or sleeping bag and camping for all of training camp. I still got weird looks because I did not know how to set it up. I was so out of my comfort zone, but I learned how to laugh my way through it. I am good at laughing in hard situations, but sometimes when I'm negative or in a bad mood, I am just emotionally drained. Do not ever think it is coming out of a bad place in my heart, I truly just need to rest. Anyways, training camp got easier because people took the time to get to know me and understand that "pageant girls are not mean girls" which, unfortunately, is a common stereotype. That also made me uncomfortable.


We began our first month in Colombia and all the girls are on one-floor sleeping. We were set up sleeping bag to sleeping bag with no personal space, which is extremely uncomfortable. We were all irritated the first few days because we were adjusting and now I'm having the time of my life. Even when the toilet isn't working or the only shower we have is flooded because all 30 girls decide to fully wash their hair on the same day, it is like one giant sleepover. While we were on our prayer walk, I began telling someone how I was not an "adventurer" growing up and they were like "then why did you sign up for this?" and I said "God does not call us to be comfortable" and he truly does not.

God does not call us to sit inside a box because HE is not an in-the-box kind of Lord. He is an out-of-the-box, out-of-this-world, sending disciples, giving up his only son, creator of the world kind of God. We were made in his image, right? Then why can't we be out of this world? I literally decided to give up a year of my life to spread the good news in countries I have never been in before with people I barely know and it is EXHILARATING. If I was not on the World Race right now, I would be sitting at home wondering what is next? That is the COOL thing about God is that when you follow his will instead of your own, you are too busy enjoying the view to wonder, what will I do when I get home??


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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.


Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Poetry On Odyssey: Ego

Years later, we can still learn something about ourselves and our morality from Freud.


I'm studying Freud now for maybe the 5th time

So I'm familiarized with his notorious line

It starts off as ID, ending at SuperEgo

Which helps you gauge if you're good, and hopefully not evil

It's the impossible goal to balance Ego in the middle

I think back on myself, trying so hard to fiddle

The morality dial to a place to that felt right

Where my mind was peace and my soul could feel light

I think now that I've made it, but I hadn't at first

So my earlier years were understandably the worst

My first day of grade school I was instantly smitten

Well aware that my guidelines had already been written

I was taught that fulfillment could be found in God's Word

His love the incentive with which I was lured

But she was just so damn sweet, with long hair and dark eyes

I hated myself for thinking same as the guys

Adam would never have lain down with a man

So to make it to Heaven, she was not in the plan

Later in life I was leaving high school

Taking dick, smoking pot and breaking rules to look cool

When on a contemplative car ride one night with my friend

My SuperEgo delusion came to a startling end

I asked, "Have you ever felt like you were missing a penis before?"

Her expression told me not to bring that up anymore

That night sent me deep into a pit of self loathing

I could pass as pure to my church, but felt absolutely nothing

I was shrink wrapped in guilt for the secrets I held

Taught that my kind were all children of the Angel that Fell

I felt I had failed, too wrapped up in desire

Postmarked now for down under as a fag, tranny and liar

Even though I would spend just two more years with God's son

I had denied who I was till the damage was done

All those times that I'd judged queer folks with disgust

Held me down like a freight train infested with rust

I internalized all the hatred I'd spread

Every comment placed pea-like in my soft Christian bed

That was the past, I breath easier now

But not without finding my "who" and my "how"

The person I'm now is so earthquakingly free

I mourn the years without girlfriends and the pronouns "him/he"

Pretty Boy is all honest, and that's pretty much "how"

I was able to end up at "who" I am now

It seems that its easy to find your Ego on the line

When your ID and your Super are authentically defined

But not by a god or a priest or a book

Right and wrong will come out if you're willing to look

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