As I neared turning 19 I began to evaluate what was going on in my life. I'm almost done being a teenager, I'm about 2-3 years away from moving out of my childhood home, things began to really set in my mind. The world is huge, it is so expansive and absolutely too much to take in. Even through the span of an entire lifetime. This is something that boggles my mind, and makes me very anxious. I won't be able to explore every country in the world, I won't be able to see every area of the world and know what someone else's daily life looks like. This is something that sticks in my mind a lot, for reasons that may seem a bit unnecessary. I feel the need to help, and give back. I want the world to heal and be happy. My mind is so torn and hurt by suffering and sadness, I want everyone and everything to experience beauty and bliss. This possibility is so slim, which is a weight that holds my mind down every day. I cannot wrap my mind around the concept that there will always be trouble and sadness in this world. It is something that makes me fall into a state of sadness and blue, that I just cannot help.
This feeling of helplessness has been something that has truly caused a depressive aura around my life for the past few years. With my personality, I carry the weight of others. Friends, family, and other loved ones. I feel the hurt, the pain, and the emotion that travels through their heads daily. This trait is so draining it is hard for me to process my own thoughts. I have learned, and am still learning how to deal with this hardship throughout my life. As my mother has told me and still tends to tell me every day, you cannot fix the world. These few words are heartbreaking to me, but by really digging into my mind and thoughts I have been trying to create beauty in ways that are realistic.
In reality, I reach out to people and try to touch hearts and minds. Now by all means, I still have growing and learning to do. I am no where near perfect or wonderful. I make mistakes, some I need to fix still, but beginning with my 19th year on this planet I am going to move on and bring myself into a new state of mind, and a new and better character. My goal is to pull kindness and love out of everyone I can, to cause a chain reaction.
Kindness, and love. These two key words can help someone breathe easier. Be kind, lend a hand to someone in need. Whether it be a small act, like helping someone put their groceries in their car, or simply giving a stranger a flower. These acts can spread beauty and happiness through the world, in more ways than one can think. My goal with these things, is to help create positivity within others, and within myself. Seeing someone else smile can brighten my entire day, especially knowing it was something I could do for them.
This planet is full of negative aspects and people. By becoming aware of this, and drowning yourself in it, it can be hard to escape. Of course there are things that you cannot help, such as a passing of a family member or a sickness that comes from nowhere. But these things are conquerable. You can overcome these hardships. Through the help of others, and the growth of your own mind.
So pass along a smile to a stranger, you never know what someone is going through. A simple wave and a hello can make someone who is struggling have a better day.
The world can never be perfect, but your own can be if you make it.
