One of the best epiphanies I've had this year is that I don't need to be chasing after anyone but myself. I've completely cast aside this irrational desire that another person is going to complete me. Instead, I've focused on myself as a person. I'm constantly trying to be a better person: I want to be a better student, friend, daughter, sister, etc. Girlfriend is not the only title that I should be pursuing in my life, and it is definitely not the most important. Maybe I've spent too much time reading romance novels, because it feels like that was what I was focused on for so long: finding that perfect relationship.

I was creating something out of nothing and holding on to people that just aren't good for me. I am so guilty of only hearing what I want to hear. One good thing can't compensate for so many bad things. Trying to prove to people that I am the kind of person they need in their life is so exhausting, why should I have to prove anything? I'm relinquishing that side of myself that constantly begs for love from a guy. When they don't reciprocate that feeling it makes me feel broken, and I'm not. I have so much to give, so much to offer. I'm not fighting for him anymore, I'm fighting for myself. Things are always happening around me but I have been so busy focusing on what wasn't happening between me and a boy. I don't want to miss out anymore! And in order to that, I just need to be present.

I want to embrace conversation, I want to run and create and ask questions and learn. I want to forgive other people easily, and most of all I want to continue to grow. Literally the world is my oyster right now, and I'm completely wasting it! We spend the most time with ourselves, so doesn't it make sense to put the most effort into that relationship we have with ourselves? Be proud to be you. One of my all time favorite books is Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler, and in it he says "The thing with your hearts desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it shows up." My desire has finally made itself known and that is to make peace with myself. I feel like I've been asleep for so long and it feels so good to finally wake up, and I trust myself to get me where I need to be.