"You can't always get what you want" - I wish that there was a way I could go back in time and tell the younger me that wanting something doesn't always apply to video games and the other snazzy materialistic things I craved. I'm not ashamed to admit that until June 16th - the last day of my freshmen year in college - I truly never caught the scope of how much I want the things in life that wouldn't necessarily help me as much as they would groom my ego. Besides, isn't it easy going after a "want"? You could say that "want" is a another word for "motivation", at the same time you could say "want" is a shorter way of saying "temporary interest". And we all strive for the things that motivate us or has our interest, it is the "want" in our lives that gives us enough reason to get out of bed. Thing is, what normally happens when you can't get what you want? Now we can all act perseverant and take the "I'm a strong, independent, college student" route but you're not fooling anyone if you say upon initial rejection you don't doubt yourself. Everything that you did just to get rejected now seems minute instead of beneficial, more importantly your interest may wane because you're not sure if you can build yourself back up just to fall on your face later. For many..this is how we hear the stories of what they could've been, should've been, would've been. Let me give you a personal example of a "want": I wanted to play more than 3 minutes a game during my freshman year of college basketball, I wanted to at least be a good sixth man that could go in and produce solid minutes. That opportunity came at the beginning of the season, lets just say my inexperience and shortcomings were at a forefront. Pretty soon I was wearing my shooting shirt from warm-ups all the way down to the final buzzer. It's important to note that I use to start every game during my high school years - the only reason I wouldn't is if I was acting reckless earlier that day - and use to be on the court as long as possible.

Games went by as well as the season and the only thing that was really fueling me was my desire to get back on the court. It wasn't until the tail end of the season I had to take a deeper look as to why I was staying stationary on the bench, not only did I need to learn off of my teammates and depend on practices, I needed to go about the game of basketball from an entirely different angle. An angle where I didn't know when my name was going to get call, an angle where if I did get in the game I busted my tail just because I had no clue when I was getting yanked out. You see, I wanted to be a college basketball player but I needed to learn what it was like to be hungry. I thought I knew college ball was an entirely different league than KHSAA but the only thing I thought that was going to be different was the speed and physicality. I didn't know basketball as a whole would also be different.

The main message I'm trying to communicate is the sensation of wanting is a mere phase where we chase the things we are comfortable striving for, something that may require minimal risk if at all. When we want something we always know (or we have a concept) on how we're going to get that, prepping ourselves to bask in the glory of our achievements while keeping the more grounded, negative thoughts at bay. But what happens when your want requires a need? Or when a need is lingering around? Dealing with the actual needs in our lives is normally met with either bittersweet approval or prideful denial; the former uppercuts your ego right in the stomach but will help you finish painting the bigger picture, the latter will see you in a constant state of stagnation. Asking all the right questions yet dodging all the right answers.