Life is full of happy moments so full of laughter that we couldn’t imagine how anything bad could ever happen. But, like most people say, you have to take the good with the bad. Life is full of bad moments that you want to forget and yet you can’t seem to because those moments hurt and broke your heart so badly that nothing could possibly overshadow it. It’s like an awful dream that you want to wake up from, but you just can’t.
In these moments, words, the source of communication and momentum for everything we do in life, fail. Words become lost in a sea of thoughts; our brains wondering what to say and how to say it. What’s the right thing to say? Does that really help? Or maybe I shouldn’t say anything. All of these questions and statements enter our mind when we or someone we know lose a loved one. Words just fail and questions begin to form.
And from my experience, there are no perfect words to tell someone when they have lost a loved one. For everyone it is different. Some people need to hear words of comfort and understanding like “I’m sorry for your loss” or “They’re in a better place”. Others don’t need words at all. Sometimes saying nothing and just being there to listen or keep someone company during their time of loss is all that is needed. Just knowing that you’re there to support them and comfort them in your own way is helpful.
For me, I love to hear stories. Stories about the life my loved ones have lived. When I lost my Grandparents, I was of course thankful to those giving their condolences, but when I heard others tells stories about them and their lives I couldn’t help but smile or laugh. Hearing these words during such a painful time helped me know that they lived a fulfilling life, no matter for how long. These happy memories give me comfort knowing how much love was in their lives and how much love they brought into mine. These words, formed into stories, help me realize that we need to make stories of our own so that one day when we see our loved ones again, we’ll have some great memories to tell them about too.
In the end, words are a thing of complex communication and they become even harder to master when loss is involved. Everyone experiences loss differently and no matter what, being there for someone during such a painful time is all that is needed. No matter if you use words of comfort, understanding, stories, or even no words at all. As long as you’re there for someone when they lose a loved one, your words and actions could never fail.
