The worst feeling to be left with is the empty feeling of words left unspoken or time left unspent when someone you love passes away. Regardless if it's a family member or a friend of a friend. The closeness you shared with that person only is now gone. Sometimes death comes so unexcepted you're blindsided and don't know how to handle the loss and other times you have time to prepare for it. The loss and sadness is still the same nonetheless. You can just make yourself better prepared is all. I can relate all too well to the unexpected death situation.

My uncle, who was more of a father to me, passed very unexpectedly 5 years ago. I went and visited him on a Sunday and he was killed on that following Wednesday. He was always there for me anytime I needed him. My father was locked up for two years and every Sunday, my uncle took time out of his day to pick me up and drove almost an hour to and from to visit him. He would randomly bring money to my mom to make sure that we had things we needed. Every morning he would call my mom's phone to talk to me before school. He would want to know about all the gossip in my life. He would want to know if there were any new boys in my life. He would do so much for me; these are things he did not have to do. Things he did out of love for me, things my biological father never did for me.

There are so many things I would have loved to have told him. Things I've accomplished that he missed. I was 15 years old when he was taken away from us, and I'm now 20 years old and have changed so much in those five years.

I often wonder if the deceased know what we are doing, how we are doing at this moment and things we are going through or when they pass is that just it? Is that the end? Are they now just nothing more than our memories buried in a pine box six feet deep? These are all unanswered questions that we may never have the answers to. All we can do is continue living out our life and missing our loved ones and try to maintain and get through every day.

" When all you have left are words you never had a chance to say or memories that with time will fade. All you can do is carry the love in your heart until you see them again." -me

"You should be here standing with your arm around me here. Cutting up, cracking a cold beer saying cheers, hey ya'll it's sure been a good year.
It's one of thoes moments, that's got your name written all over it and you know that if I had just one wish, It'd be that you didn't have to miss this. You should be here." - Lyrics by Cole Swindell