So, let's be honest: cats are more than a little shifty. Even people who love cats cannot deny their skepticism of the true nature of their feline companions. There's just something about the little creatures that makes it seem as if they cannot be trusted. Have you ever stopped to consider why? Well, I have, and this is what I've discovered. It's because they can't. Under no circumstance should a cat be trusted. Ever.
Indisputable Evidence That Cats Are Plotting Their World Domination
1. They are maniacal by their very nature
This is an excerpt from real video footage of a cat laughing maniacally. Shocking, I know.
2. They learn and adapt quickly and are impervious to human technological warfare
"Silly hooman, I know of your trickery! Your vacuum has no power here."
3. They have an innate urge to destroy
No matter how hard they attempt to resist, their natural proclivities will always come through.
4. They are masters of guerrilla warfare
Cats will wait until you are vulnerable and then use your environment against you. They have no care for material possessions, especially because they don't have thumbs.
5. They can easily stifle human-to-human communications
Laying down on a keyboard is more than just an attempt to get attention. It allows them to stop us from rallying together and organizing. Without the ability to communicate with each other, we are doomed.
6. They are learning our technology
This is a real cat sending an email. Imagine what else we didn't realize they were capable of.
7. Their larger relatives are on their side and very bitter
After years of subjugation to the human race in the form of circuses and zoos, you would be angry too. Revenge is on their minds. They have a taste for human blood.
8. They are masters of martial arts
These two cats are sparring partners. This is "friendly." Imagine if they were enemies.
9. They have no loyalty to their own species, much less any other
If they are willing to betray their own, what will they make of us?
10. THEY CAN TELEPORT!
This has dire implications for us. We are doomed. Defeat is inevitable should the feline race rise up.
Hold your families close tonight—you may not see them tomorrow.
