I Won't Apologize For Being Too Much

To anyone who has ever made me feel too over the top or too much, self-conscious or belittled, embarrassed or called-out:

I will not stop dancing at a concert or to a live band, even if you roll your eyes. Even if the expression on your face is screaming that my friends and I are being obnoxious.

I will not explain, “sorry, I’m just really excited” or, “sorry, I get really worked up” when you point out that my voice is too loud. Or, perhaps I am talking too quickly and animatedly as I share something I read about. I’m always being told to slow down.

I will not be embarrassed when you mock my enthusiasm, raising your voice to a shrill decibel and repeating “Oh my God, that’s so cool!” (someone I barely knew did this after I made said comment about a homemade Slip ‘N Slide. It really was so cool).

And if I ask too many questions because I have a hungry curiosity, I will not shrug my shoulders sheepishly when you observe, “you’re like a little kid.” This also applies if you give me an odd look when you see me in line waiting to see a new Disney movie; my dad and I still like to go.

I will not feel guilty when my giggle gets a little uncontrolled, and actually resembles the sound of a chipmunk rather than laughter. I will not sigh and feel pressured to admit, “I hate my laugh.”

I will not take offense if you snidely tell me that I “must have been a cheerleader,” or imply that being bubbly is the same thing as being ditsy. Nor will I feel the need to prove myself when the incredulousness in your voice is so painfully obvious: “wait, you actually were a Valedictorian?”

And I will not apologize for being open about what I am thinking and feeling. So, there will be no desperately defending myself when you tell me that I am “over-reacting” or “over-sensitive.” There will be no adjusting myself to make sure that I’m not being too ambitious or forward. I won’t feel shy. I won’t feel like perhaps I shouldn’t talk about myself.

I will not feel self-conscious or second guess my awesome shirt when you ever so politely criticize, “you’re going to wear that out?”

I refuse to be ashamed in response to you telling me to tone it down. I will not be made small or less colorful. I will not apologize for being happy, secure, confident, knowing what I like, or doing what I like. I won’t say sorry for enjoying being human.