Hello, I have a question. I’m a young black woman, mid 20’s and the man I have been dating exclusively for 7 months refuses to acknowledge the fact that we are in a relationship. He spends 5-6 nights a week with me and we do everything together but he says he doesn’t want to attach a title to what we have. He says if things are working great right now, then why ruin it with a title. He takes me to different events he attends with his family and friends. Even they all acknowledge me as his girlfriend but he won’t. It’s really starting to bother me. Am I being unreasonable or is it too early to declare it as a real relationship. I will accept any an all advice and comments.
Thanks in advance
One Irritated Female
(I am neither a therapist or doctor, this is simply one man’s opinion)
Wow. Okay so I have seen this situation play out in different ways. I know one woman’s opinion is “run like hell and get the hell out.” And then another woman I know whom is happily married now would say be patient with him because at least he is not cheating on you. The fact of the matter is he is demonstrating the classic signs of someone whom is afraid to commit. The question that should concern you is why. I would assume after 7 months you have had enough time to investigate subtly why this problem may exist. We may not show it, but men just like women have feelings also. He could have been hurt in the past because he gave too much of himself too early and he got played. So this could be his way of guarding his heart. I don’t know that to be true but you should know. When dating you should be taking the time to learn about each other, including the past, if you haven’t already and that in itself may explain his actions. From what you say in your letter he seems to devote all of his attention to you. He shares his feelings about you with his loved ones and he takes you around the people who matter in his life. That has to count for something.
However, I don’t think you are being unreasonable because your feelings matter also. You don’t want to end up feeling like you have wasted precious time in your life investing in something that was never what you thought it was. He also needs to stop being passive and acknowledge your feeling by coming forward and giving you more than just a surface answer as to why he doesn’t want a title. As your man, he should care about you being happy and fulfilled in your relationship. Let him know he can’t just dismiss your concerns without a reasonable explanation. Start being a little more observant of his actions and his words. I think you will know in your heart when it is time to walk. But I don’t think that time is now. I wish you well in your relationship Love. And as always:
