I finally found my sleep number, ladies! It’s six… glasses of wine!

Of course I am only kidding (kind of) but let's take a few minutes here to be brutally honest about why women might actually want to drink six glasses of wine — not only to be able to get to sleep, but to even get through their day!

I mean, what exactly are women supposed to be like? Well, women are supposed to be strong. But wait, not too strong — only strong enough so you look more intimidating to other women. Do not, I repeat, do not look stronger than a man, ever. Not physically, intellectually, spiritually… just, don’t.

Women are supposed to be gentle and compassionate. Not that mushy-gushy stuff, though. You don’t want to look desperate or clingy, do you? And heaven forbid you are too emotional. Women need to feel more emotions than men, but not too much because, well — that’s hard to handle. Am I right, ladies? We wouldn’t want to take up a man’s time talking about things that are so unimportant and silly, such as our “irrational” feelings.

Women are supposed to be soft-spoken and obedient, but also confident and outspoken. A man likes a woman who doesn’t talk too much, but also a woman who is confident and stands up for herself. Just make sure you say the right things and don’t overstep your boundaries. Once you have insulted a man and made him look like a fool, well then you’re just seen as arrogant. You wouldn’t want that, now would you?

Women are supposed to be intelligent. Intelligence is sexy, right? Just make sure you’re not too intelligent. It is extremely unattractive when a woman corrects a man. You don’t want to have not enough smarts, though. Because then you’re just a “bimbo.” So, get straight A's in school and maybe read a book or two, but don’t actually apply your knowledge in the real world — that’s just ridiculous!

Women are supposed to be sexy. But not too sexy! One button too low on your shirt, and you’re labeled as a whore. You show too much skin, and you’re undesirable. You show not enough skin and you’re a prude… and undesirable.

Women are supposed to be everything and nothing. And honestly, if you can’t do that, then you’re not a "real woman."

I hope that by now you have sensed my heavy sarcasm throughout the article thus far. If there is one thing that irks me more than anything, it is the polar opposite pressures that society pushes on women. We are expected to be both day and night, weak and strong, soft and rough, and so much more. Women are deemed as too much and not enough of practically everything. We are constantly criticized and compared and oftentimes we feel as though we will never reach the full potential of being a “real” woman.

What exactly is a real woman though? Well, in my eyes, a real woman is whoever she desires to be. A real woman is that stay-at-home mother working all day everyday as a chef, a nurse, a teacher, a nanny and so much more. A real woman is the one staying up late every night to study for her exams and write papers so she can graduate. A real woman is one who is working that job and supporting herself and maybe even kids and a family back home. A real woman is one who is a caring human being and recognizes the importance of every life. A real woman is the one chasing her dreams and reaching her goals. And most importantly, a real woman is one who values not only her own worth, but the worth of other women as well.

So this is me telling you, the beautiful woman reading this right now — you may feel as though you are too much and not enough, but you are the perfect amount of you, and the only you. You are a fierce human being, your inner and outer beauty shines, and you have a spirit to be reckoned with. I know, because I too am a woman, and it comes with the territory. So believe it. And then live it.