Women, We Are The Reason We're Not Equal

Women, We Are The Reason We're Not Equal

It's about time we got our stuff together.
270
views

I never thought I’d find myself writing about this, and yet here I am; I have done a lot of reflecting on my friendships, and as I look back on the broken and mended fences that have formed in my life, I realized a common problem in female relationships:

For women to have strong, healthy relationships with each other — if we expect to have the same opportunities as men — we need to start respecting each other.

We have all heard the rhetoric repeated a thousand times in our ears: “Men look at women as inferior or less capable or less deserving than themselves. They need to have more respect for us if we want to achieve the same things as them.” And while I know this is true, I don’t feel the need to write about it because everybody else already has.

What I see as the biggest change that this world needs to see, is women respecting other women.

I have witnessed my fair share of misogyny at the hands of boys who think that I am less deserving than them, but the biggest sources of my problems when I am in leadership are the other women I work with. This stems from a lifetime of being taught that we are in competition with our fellow women.

Ladies, start looking for instances in media and in your own personal lives when you or those you witness are pitted against other women in competition for friends, men, and leadership roles.

We are taught that we need not show respect for women who are wiser and more experienced than us, but that we must refuse their counsel and instead strive to overpower them. Better yet, try to look for examples of healthy, positive female friendships in the media; these are exponentially harder to find.

I have been fortunate enough to befriend some of the most outstanding women I have ever met. They are intelligent, strong, compassionate leaders with fiery independence and endless potential. But I am also aware that these friendships are rare. I cannot count the number of people I thought were my friends, just to find out that they were consistently gossiping about me, trying to make me look bad, or were outright terrible friends.

I think we all need to reflect on our own behavior and realize that these friendships are not only unnatural but unhealthy. One of the first times that I really got to know one of my best friends was when we were competing for the same leadership role in our organization (shameless plug for Baylor Delta Sigma Pi). We stood outside together as the votes rolled in. As we waited, we agreed that whoever lost would become the “Assistant,” and that either way we would work in partnership until the following semester when the Assistant would hold the position.

Once we found out who won, that’s exactly what happened. When my friend won, we became a successful recruitment team built on mutual trust and respect, and the following semester I took over the role. Why aren’t these the stories that we expect to experience? How often do you look at your competitor, recognize that you both love competition, but still shake hands and agree to a fair fight? These are the relationships that are lacking in the female community but are the ones that are most important.

Even from the time we are 10 years old, this idea that we have poor relationships with other women is fed to us. Just last year, my 5th-grade cousin and the other girls in her grade had to skip recess to write apology letters to each other, while boys were able to go outside to do trust falls. These girls may have had perfectly healthy relationships with their classmates, yet they were told that they had something to apologize for.

This may seem like an attempt to solve the problem that I claim our society has, and indeed, that may have been the intention. But psychologically, telling a girl that she has poor relationships and needs to apologize for them, especially if these relationships are being compared to relationships between boys, reinforces the idea that this is how things “just are.”

While writing an apology letter is the best solution for many situations, telling all girls that they need to apologize for doing nothing wrong when they are 10 is the very reason I apologized yesterday when someone bumped into me because they were texting while walking, or why there are dozens of movies about crazy women who cause problems, while we empathize with a man who takes none of the blame.

Alternatively, I learned how to have healthy friendships with my first built-in friend. My sister and I have not always been close, and in fact, we haven’t always liked each other very much. But while this was the case, we always had a mutual respect for each other. My mom (hi mom! I hope you read my articles!) instilled in us that we don’t have to be best friends, but we have to respect and support one another. This means that even when we fight, we keep each other’s secrets. Even when she steals my clothes, I help her with college applications. She may not want to talk to me, but she’ll still give me a ride to work if that’s what she promised.

And when it comes to friendships, I treat other women the same way. We may not have personalities that are compatible for friendship, but if you are a hard worker, I’ll defend you when our boss asks about your work ethic.

I’m sure some of you are reading this saying “guys can have unhealthy relationships too” or “I’m a woman and I know SO MANY great women and we have awesome relationships.” And while those things are definitely true, it is also true that many issues in our society are faced by some people more than others, and this is an issue that faces more women than men. I don’t expect everyone to share my experiences, but I invite you to take a look at your relationships and the relationships of those around you to see if you are a catalyst for change.

Do you make your relationships better? Do you encourage others to make their relationships better? Or, are you a person who brings other people down, and encourages others to do the same?

Cover Image Credit: PxHere

Popular Right Now

4 reasons how Drake's New Album May Help Us Fight Mental Illness

Increasing Evidence Points to Music as a Potential Solution to the Mental Health Problem.

65004
views

Okay, You caught me!

I am NOT just talking about everybody's favorite actor-turned-rapper— or second, if you've seen Childish Gambino's "This is America" music video. Unfortunately, current research hasn't explored specific genres and artists. However, studies HAVE provided significant evidence in possibilities for music to treat mental health disorders. Now, before you say something that your parents would not be proud of, ask yourself if you can really blame me for wanting to get your attention. This is an urgent matter concerning each one of us. If we all face the truth, we could very well reach one step closer to solving one of society's biggest problems: Mental Health.

The Problem:

As our nation continues to bleed from tragedies like the horrific shooting that shattered the lives of 70 families whose loved ones just wanted to watch the "Dark Knight Rises" during its first hours of release, as well as the traumatic loss of seventeen misfortunate innocents to the complications of mental health disorders in the dear city of Parkland— a city mere hours from our very own community— it's impossible to deny the existence of mental illness. As many of us can already vouch, mental illness is much more common than what most would think: over 19 million adults in America suffer from a mental health disorder. Picture that: a population slightly less than that of Florida is plagued by hopelessness, isolation, and utter despair.

Disease in the form of depression holds millions of people prisoner, as anxieties instill crippling desperation and too many struggles with finding peace. This can be you. It could be your brother, your sister, your mother, your father, your cousin, your aunt, your uncle, your friend, your roommate, your fraternity brother, your sorority sister, your lab partner, or just your classmate that sits in the corner of the lecture hall with a head buried into a notebook that camouflages all emotion.

I hope we— the UCF community— understand the gravity of the problem, but it's clear that some still see mental illness as a disease that affects only a handful of "misfits" who "terrorize" our streets, while the numbers reveal more to the issue. In fact, 1 in 5 Americans suffers from a mental health disorder. The problem is so serious that suicide has risen to become the second-leading cause of death among 20 to 24-year-olds. While many continue to ask for more antidepressants and even the occasional "proper spanking," recent studies indicate increases in occurrence, such as one in depression from 5.9% in 2012 to 8.2% in 2015. So, clearly, none of that is working.

The Evidence:

If we really want to create a world where our children are free from the chains of mental illness, we need to think outside the box. Doctors and scientists won't really talk about this since it's still a growing field of research, but music has strong potential. We don't have any options at the moment, which means we need to change our mindset about music and to continue to explore its medicinal benefits. If you're still skeptical because of the title, then please consider these 4 pieces of solid evidence backed by scientific research:

1. Music has been proven to improve disorders like Parkinson's Disease.

Researchers sponsored by the National Institute of Health— the country's largest research agency— saw an improvement in the daily function of patients with Parkinson's Disease. This makes patients shake uncontrollably, which often prevents them from complete functionality. The disease is caused by a shortage of dopamine— a chemical your neurons, or brain cells, release; since music treats this shortage, there's an obvious ability to increase dopamine levels. As numerous studies connect dopamine shortages to mental illnesses like depression, addiction, and ADHD, someone could possibly use music's proven ability to increase dopamine levels to treat said problems.

2. Listening to the music has the potential to activate your brain's "reward center."

In 2013, Valorie Salimpoor and fellow researchers conducted a study that connected subjects' pleasure towards music to a specific part of the brain. This key structure, the nucleus accumbens, is the body's "reward center," which means all of you have experienced its magical powers. In fact, any time the brain detects a rewarding sensation— drinking ice-cold water after a five-mile run in sunny, humid Florida, eating that Taco Bell chalupa after a long happy hour at Knight's Library, and even consuming recreational drugs— this structure releases more of that fantastic dopamine. So, with further research into specifics, doctors may soon be prescribing your daily dose of tunes for your own health.

3. Listening to Music may be more effective than prescription anti-anxiety medication.

In 2013, Mona Lisa Chanda and Daniel J. Levitin— two accomplished doctors in psychology— reviewed a study wherein patients waiting to undergo surgery were given either anti-anxiety medications or music to listen to. The study took into account cortisol levels, which are used daily by healthcare professionals to gauge patient levels. This "stress hormone" was actually found to be lower in patients who listened to classical music rather those who took the recommended dose of prescription drugs. Sit there and think about that for a second: these patients actually felt more relaxed with something as simple as MUSIC than with chemicals that are made specifically to force patients into relaxation before surgery. Why pop a Xanax when you can just listen to Beethoven?

4. Music may release the chemicals that help you naturally relax and feel love.

Further studies continue to justify music's place in the medical world as results demonstrate increases in substances such as prolactin— a hormone that produces a relaxing sensation— as well as oxytocin— the substance that promotes warmth and happiness during a hug between mother and child. So this study basically showed us that music has the potential to actually make you feel the way you did when Mom or Dad would embrace you with the warmest hug you've ever felt.

The Future:

The evidence I present you with today is ultimately just a collection of individual situations where specific people found specific results. There are a lot of variables when it comes to any research study; therefore, data is never truly certain. We should take these findings as strong suggestions to a possible solution, but we must remember the possibility of failure in our search.

The neurochemistry behind the music and its medicinal properties is just beginning to unfold before the scientific community. In fact, extremely qualified scientists from the National Institute of Health— the organization that basically runs any important medical study in the United States— continue to remind us of the subject's youth with the constant use of "potential" behind any and all of their findings. Therefore, it's our responsibility as a community to look into this— not just that of the scientists at the National Institute of Health.

We're all surrounded by music. It's at the bars. It's in our ears during all-night sessions at the UCF library. It's keeping us awake through East Colonial traffic at 7:00 AM while hordes of students focus on their cell phone screens instead of the paved roads ahead. It's in the shoes we wear, the actions we take, and the words we say. IF YOU'RE READING THIS: it's accessible to you. So, don't be shy, and try to play with your Spotify account, or even just on YouTube, and gauge the power of music. As more and more of us see the light, we can promote the movement and carry on as more research comes out to support us.

Drop the bars, drop those addictive pills that destroy your body slowly, and pick up your headphones and press PLAY.

Just relax, close your eyes, smile, and live.

Cover Image Credit:

@champagnepapi

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

The Truth About the Illusion of Perfection

No one's life is perfect, because we aren't perfect people.

119
views

When I was younger, I was a huge perfectionist. I strived to make perfect scores on tests and quizzes, to get along with absolutely everyone, and to be the best horseback rider I could be. I wanted the *best* and would not settle for anything less. And if I did not meet these extravagant goals of mine, I would beat myself up over it. In my head, anything less than perfect had meant that I failed.

As I got older though, I realized that perfection is not as attainable as I once thought. In elementary school and early in middle school, I thought perfection was attainable, which is why I brutally beat myself up over not reaching it. Many years went by before I came to terms with the truth that perfection is unattainable. As humans, we are not meant to live "perfect" lives, because we aren't perfect people.

In all honesty, I still occasionally struggle with the lust for perfection. I've more recently come to terms with the fact that I used to be content in settling for the mere appearance of perfection. I settled for believing that if everyone else thought I was thriving, then I could be content with that, even if internally I struggled to keep up with all the commitments I drowned myself in.

In the past year, I learned that not only is perfection in itself unattainable, but also that the illusion of perfection, like the one I tried to manifest of my own life to others, is just as unreal. Technology has allowed the world to be connected more than it has ever been before, which therefore allows us to see more of other people's lives. And I love it. Social media definitely has it's harped upon cons, but if used beneficially, it can be fun. I love keeping up with my friends at other colleges and my distant family members.

But of course, no one is sharing all their life's imperfections. Social media is a continuous stream of amazing moments. People are sharing their favorite experiences and pictures with the world. Yet as normal living people, we all have imperfect moments. Perfection is an illusion. No one has it all together, and that is perfectly fine.

A bunch of freedom comes with being content in imperfection. At least for me, it felt like a weight was taken off of my shoulders. If we stop expecting perfection out of ourselves, we will be a whole lot happier. And if we stop believing in the portrayed illusion of perfection in other people's lives, we will be a whole lot happier, too.

My closest friendships this past year formed from sharing some of my imperfectness with others. Life has a pattern to it, and all of the things you may be going through have been encountered before in someone else's life. I have learned that many of us struggle with very similar circumstances, and it's nice to know that you aren't alone.

For example, I did not enjoy my first semester of college. I went through a bunch of life changes, and for a hot second, I felt like no one truly understood what I was feeling. Drifting from familiar people and a familiar routine took a toll on me. I thought that keeping up an illusion of perfection was the only way to cope, as everyone else seemed to be living their best life.

I saw so many fun pictures of my friends on Instagram and Snapchat and compared my situation to theirs. A part of me didn't believe I would ever be joyful in college. But one night I was very tired and stressed and opened up to someone who is now one of my closest friends. After telling her what I was thinking about college and life, she was so excited to tell me that she was struggling with the exact same thing. And we instantly bonded over a shared imperfect circumstance.

No one is perfect, which is such a cliché to say, but it's so true. What we see and what we hear is not always the full story. People are imperfect, and no one has their life completely together. Life is complex, and it's always changing, so there's no need to fall for the illusion of someone else's perfect life, or trying to create the illusion of perfection of your own.

There is a whole bunch of happiness in imperfection, messing up, and growth. Because if you aren't growing, you are staying the same.

Cover Image Credit:

https://imgur.com/gallery/iBYXEKY

Related Content

Facebook Comments