Throughout the journey of life, there are behaviors that we pick up due to social norms. We may not realize that we unconsciously do this behavior until we become older or more self-aware. One of the behaviors that I think is so predominant is the action of women making themselves small for others or apologizing so much in situations where it is not necessary. I myself apologize for things at least 10 times a day, whether it is when someone bumps into me or when I'm not confident in my opinion.
I have learned to stop doing it when guys ask me out, and I now say "thanks for asking" or a phrase that gives rather than receives such as "thank you for giving me the time." I consciously avoid saying sorry. It's not the biggest issue, but it is something to be aware of and it affects how others view you. It can make you feel invalidated in that situation or delay what you really mean.
I've had conversations with all different types of women that have insight on how this behavior affects them. They all agree that it's still a battle for them to stop apologizing and that it stems from not being confident enough or trying too hard to not hurt other people's feelings. Some claimed they would even apologize when they didn't want to do something or were feeling ill, but their health should be a priority over the desires of other people. Being submissive can feel easier because there are no immediate consequences. If women are tough or stand up for something they can come across as harsh, so we use "sorry" to cushion the blow and make our words a little less abrasive. However, when men are assertive, they are respected and taken seriously.
When women apologize too much, they start making themselves and their actions small. And as complex, hardworking women, they shouldn't be sorry about things they can't control. I don't think women realize it much until they become self-reflective or someone else points it out.
One woman I talked to said, "I never realized how apologetic I was until I had someone point out to me saying, 'You apologize a lot for being human.'"
It can make it harder for you to grow as a woman if you're worried about other people constantly. It can hinder your confidence because you're always thinking you're in the wrong.
Realizing that not everything requires an apology is the first step to amending this behavior. It's something that most women have grown to use constantly growing up. I think it stems even from childhood when girls are more open to their insecurities. Instead, we can re-word what we say to take it from apologizing to gratitude. You can say "thank you for giving you your time" or "I appreciate this conversation, it can help our relationship."
This creates a healthy way of expressing emotions without belittling yourself and makes a way for a logical discussion of what you want and deserve. If you are conscious in your choices and living authentically, then there is no need to apologize.
