It's hard to say what exactly triggers it.
One day I wake up and my heart just hurts before I've even tossed off the covers. I go to a meeting or an audition or a party and see someone with better ideas or more talent or a brighter smile. I eat an entire bar of chocolate when I was trying to be healthy. I don't speak up enough or forgive as quickly as I should, I raise my voice and talk about people behind their backs and some days the feeling is raw and bold inside of me.
Some days, I feel completely unlovable.
It is so easy for me to look in the mirror and see less than worthy. It's easy to see how smart another woman is, how accomplished, how strong and capable and beautiful and wonder how I am ever supposed to match up to that. I wonder why I am good at some things but not others; the constant uncertainty pulls me in a hundred different directions. And in the end, I'm left staring at a mirror, seeing a woman who is, in my eyes, not enough.
It is one of the greatest lies we women believe about ourselves. We are self-deprecating, deep feeling, and unforgiving when it comes to our own faults. We are the queens of comparison:
I should have her attitude.
I should be better at expressing myself.
I should be stronger in my faith.
It is so easy for us to believe that we are not enough as we are. There's always something wrong, insecure, messy, broken, raw, unstable or hurting. I've felt it too. It's important to recognize that what you feel is not always what is true. Even when you feel unloved and unlovable, you cannot believe that as truth.
You are loved by the greatest of loves.
While you were broken, hurting, messy, insecure, raw, unstable and at your lowest point: you were, and you are, loved (Romans 5:8.) You are precious, and honored, and loved (Isaiah 43:4.) You are loved with grace, with mercy, with depth to the fullest. You do not walk alone in your darkness (Psalm 23.) Your whole being is adored by the One who saw fit to create you.
You cannot compare your smile to hers, your talents or gifts. You cannot question your worth because a relationship ends. You cannot believe less of yourself because you didn't get this job or that one. Your value is not determined by what you do. Your worth rests alone in the God who laid down His life for you, when you were at your most broken.
Some days, I wake up and feel unlovable.
On those days, it is the most important for me to believe the opposite.
