Any female understands the incessant apologizing we do. We have been conditioned to apologize for our emotions, our everyday actions, and really anything else you can think of. If you get upset during a conversation, you have been trained to believe you should apologize. If you are one second late, you have been trained to believe you should apologize. If you need advice, you have been trained to apologize for talking about your problems. The truth is, it is unnecessary, and it is something that our male counterparts have not been conditioned to do.
Additionally, when you replace those "I'm sorry"s with other phrases that don't lead to you feeling guilty, your self-image and confidence will soar. Try it. Here are 11 ways you can replace those unnecessary apologies.
1. Thank You For Waiting For Me
Instead of "I'm sorry I ran a couple minutes late", try "Thank you so much for waiting for me." Not only does this remove some of the guilt you have been trained to feel, but it also makes the other person feel more appreciated. Traffic happens. Rain happens. Accidents happen. And none of these are for you to be apologetic over.
2. I Want To _____
When apologizing for a mistake, try focusing on what you want to change moving forward. Instead of "I'm sorry for doing _____ wrong," try "I want to pay closer attention to detail in the future."
3. Thank You For Listening
Instead of "I'm sorry for venting to you so much" try "Thank you for listening and hearing me out". Again, this is a really good way to make the other person feel appreciated without selling yourself short. Everyone has problems. You don't need to apologize for wanting someone to listen.
4. This Didn't Go The Way I Hoped. Let Me Take Care Of It.
When someone points out a failure in the workplace, instead of apologizing for what went wrong, take ownership and respond in a confident manner. Something along the lines of "This did not end up how I planned, but I can take care of it."
5. From Another Perspective, _______
Another common situation in which we find ourselves apologizing is when we present an opinion that is different from the original. Instead of "I'm sorry, but I don't agree," try "From another perspective, ________," and explain your point of view. Apologizing before presenting your opinion surrenders your power. You have your own opinion the same way that they do. Be confident.
6. What Should I Do Differently Moving Forward?
This goes back to the workplace, but can also pertain to friendship situations or relationships gone awry. Instead of "I'm sorry for messing up" try "What should I do differently moving forward?" or "How can I take a different approach in the future?"
Opening up the conversation to constructive feedback allows the other person to feel heard, and it also shows that you are willing and ready to grow past this mistake.
7. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Actions speak louder than words- not just for women, but for everyone. Overusing the word "sorry" can end up making you look like an excuse-maker, or can be seen as an easy way out of a situation where you may have been in the wrong. Instead of using empty apologies as a force of habit, just act in order to rectify whatever went wrong. Show your growth and show that you learned from the mistake, and the receiving end of it will recognize your sincerity.
8. That Sounds Like A Lot To Deal With
Oftentimes, we find ourselves saying "I'm sorry" when our friends or acquaintances come to us to talk about what they are going through. I find it interesting, and kind of strange, that our first reaction is to apologize for something that doesn't have anything to do with us. Instead, try offering responses like "It sounds like you are really dealing with a lot" or "You seem to have gone through a lot of hard times. How can I best support you?"
This validates the other person's struggles without causing you to feel oddly guilty for their pain.
9. Is This A Good Time?
In the workplace, we often have to visit someone's office for a quick chat, a question, or something pertaining to an assignment. What we don't need to do is apologize for the fact that we need to speak to them for a second. When knocking on a door or stopping by someone's desk for a quick second, instead of saying "I'm sorry but _____," try "Is this a good time to talk briefly?"
10. Say What You Have To Say
In group conversations, whether it be during a hangout with friends, during a class discussion, or during a work meeting, we tend to feel the need to apologize before we speak. Even if we aren't actually interrupting anyone, sometimes an apology still comes out of our mouths on the off-chance that we may have spoken when someone else was planning to. Instead of starting off with an apology, simply say whatever you want to say when you reach a pause in the conversation. The same goes for when asking a question or looking for somebody's opinion. There is no need to apologize.
11. Okay
We often also apologize in response to small requests from people around us. For example, in a classroom setting or workplace setting, someone might ask you to go back to a previous slide when giving a presentation, or you might be asked to repeat yourself if something was missed or misheard. Instead of responding to this by apologizing, simply say "Okay" and comply with the request. Nothing has been done wrong, so why apologize?
There is no need to be so sorry for things that don't require an apology. This is a weird female habit and it is time for us to turn it around. Speak with conviction. Act with confidence. You got this, ladies.
