You know what I really hate? Those movies (usually romantic comedies with flat, stereotypical characters) that do the whole "put-upon woman who can't say no" trope. Because, like, that's what it is now, a trope. And what's interesting is that the story always seems to play out in the same way: woman is stressed because she cannot say no to friends/coworkers/family members, woman becomes more stressed until she cracks under pressure, woman finally says no, everything quickly falls apart, woman feels bad about saying no because somehow her choice to do so has ruined everyone's lives, woman eventually learns to use the word no in moderation and everybody ends up happy and someone probably gets married. What a lovely movie that we have all already seen a thousand times!
What always bothers me about this whole storyline is that things always have to get "worse" before they get "better." Like, as soon as the woman says no, it seems like instead of simply refusing to compromise herself any further, what the woman actually did was set her home, office, and nearest orphanage ablaze and laugh as she watched it burn. Suddenly, no one knows what to do or how to handle things now that the woman has not accepted the newest task onto her already slumping shoulders. And what's weird about that is that it's always funny. Like, it's apparently comedic that everyone else in this woman's life suddenly can't handle themselves, can't do things that they should probably be able to do as a normal human. We're supposed to laugh as the husband attempts to cook dinner (because obviously as a man he doesn't even know how to boil water) and chuckle when the children turn all their whites pink because they've never touched a washing machine before.
What really concerns me about that is that I'm not really sure what is supposed to be funny about it. Like, are we laughing because it's just so ridiculous that these human beings can't do such mundane tasks? Or are we actually laughing because it's relatable, because there's this underlying notion of familiarity that maybe if our moms/sisters/coworkers/etc. started saying no like this woman did, we'd be stuck in the same boat?
My hope is that it's the former reason; I hope we're laughing because we as a people are so far past not being able to recognize when someone is taking on way too much that they eventually implode and leave everyone else around them helpless, that the idea of a woman that we care about and respect is not having to carry us and herself constantly. My fear is that that's just not the case, though.
What else is interesting about this trope is that it makes a joke out of the fact that women constantly feel like they just can't say no. Even though it always makes this kind of situation feel lighthearted, like whatever fun family film Jennifer Garner is likely starring in next month, it's really just not that funny. Women are constantly having to assess the risks that come with saying no. They constantly have to weigh the consequences that will come with turning something--or someone--down.
In many aspects of a woman's life, the pressure is constantly on to out-do others. Women not only have to compete with men (whose achievements, performances, etc. are never as harshly criticized as those of women), but they also feel like they must constantly compete with other women for respect from their peers.
There's also the heavier consequences of saying no, though. The ones that become news headlines, the ones that become cautionary tales. There's risks that come from turning down a boy for a date/a dance, risks that can destroy lives. There's risks that come from saying no, screaming no, and it not even mattering at all.
We shouldn't make a joke out of women who say no. We shouldn't be treating this like a subplot in a B-list movie. We shouldn't be laughing along when there's so many of us who still fear saying no, who don't know how to say no, who simply can't say no.
