I have this awesome friend named Jennifer. We met through college ministry at our church, and I will never forget the first time we were introduced. Jen acted as though we had been lifelong friends. She wanted to know all about me, my life, and my love for Jesus. Ever since, I have watched Jen interact with others and have been in constant awe of her ability to love people so well.
A couple of weeks ago, college ministry had our last Sunday Night of Worship for the school year. I sat beside Jen and, within 30 minutes, we were pulling four extra chairs to the table, sliding over to make room, and learning the names of our new friends. Jen treated these new faces as she had once treated me, like lifelong friends. Immediately, she began to invest in their lives. Then, Jen turned to me and asked, “What is it exactly that you want to do in three years after college?”
As if I was reading words from the back of my eyelids, I began to recite the answer I had rehearsed for two years. I rambled about “philanthropy coordinating” and “fashion marketing” and “possible nonprofit endeavors," and I searched for ways to connect all of these ideas into my life plan. Finally, I just turned to Jen and asked, “What about you?” She laughed and said, “Girl, wherever God leads me in a couple of years.” I smiled. Neither one of us could tell you the exact plan in store for our lives, but Jen had a way better answer than I did.
Then, this week, I was sitting and talking with someone. Again, I was presented with the question. “What is it exactly that you want to do in three years after college?” And again, I began rambling, but this time, I stopped mid-sentence. I looked at the person and said, “Wherever God leads me in a couple of years.”
Last week, I studied the life of David. David was a young boy, and some versions of biblical text even describe him as “ruddy-faced.” However, David was a man after God’s own heart, and one of the coolest characteristics of our God is that He often uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things for the Kingdom. David, the smallest of his brothers, fought in the name of the Lord, and defeated a giant by the name of Goliath. David, persecuted by the envy of enemies, had the upper hand in sparing the life of a powerful Saul.
Ruddy-faced David who tended to flocks of sheep became one of the strongest leaders of Israel. And David, a man after God’s own heart, fell to sinful temptation and was named “adulterer” and “murderer.” Throughout the entirety of his life, in moments of brokenness, despair, success, weakness, self-righteousness, and the darkest hours, David continued to find favor in the eye of the Lord because David continued to seek the will of the Lord.
All too often, I find myself praying that God will give me the power to fulfill my own will. I fill the void of my unknown future with insecure fluff and hollow plans. And I forget how many times I have had to learn the hard way that my own path leads to destruction and emptiness. I feel unworthy to play a part in God’s faithful story because my life is nothing but a series of “sin meets grace.” As I studied David, however, I was reminded that God can use the most broken of people to bring glory to His name. David remained favorable because He simply surrendered his life to the will of the Father, and though it did not remove hurt from David’s life, it ensured an everlasting peace and a compassionate relationship with his creator.
As I find my place in the world, I will remember Jen’s words and David’s life, because when it comes down to it, I would rather fail doing big things for God than follow the path of my own will that leads to nothing at all. So here I am, big-eyed and 19 years old, with the world at my fingertips. God, lead me where you will and make me a woman after Your own heart.
