The Woes Of College Dating

The Woes Of College Dating

Categorizing the boys in your life.
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With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I think it's an appropriate time to speak about the woes of dating, hooking up, or meeting potential significant others in college, especially if you’re new to the college scene. I won’t expose all the wild wonders of the college dating world, but I can sure as heck give you the categories I’ve organized boys into since I've been at CofC.

1. The one-time makeout never to be seen again(?)

This is otherwise known as the hookup. Was his name Brad or Brian? You and your friends aren’t sure, but one thing is certain — you’ll never see this boy you kissed at a party ever again. Maybe two years from now when you’ve got your sh*t together, interned at two companies, and studied abroad you’ll see him on campus and think “don't I know him from somewhere?” but probably not.

2. The “I have a girlfriend but do you want to chill” boy

He’ll say, “oh, we’re on a break” or “we’re about to break up,” but just no. Run as fast as you can and never ever look back. He probably messages girls at 2 AM something like “come ova.” He does not have time for a real relationship or time to tell his actual girlfriend that the relationship is not working out. He doesn’t even have time to type the entire word “over” so anything he does is only to benefit him 100 percent. Stay away!!

3. The F***boy

Similar to number two because they are both all about the 2 AM “come over and chill” phone call, but number three is still their own breed. He loves to hang out with his bros. He probably wears white Nike socks and gray dad New Balance shoes while he's drinking with the boys. You’ll never catch him at the library, but you’ll for sure catch him if you happen to be going out on a Wednesday night. He may seem cool to hang out with for a few weekends, but I say run after weekend one because he is only cool with anything that benefits him, no matter who he screws over. He probably claims that he knows how to treat girls, but actions speak louder than words on that one.

4. The Ex

You guys dated in high school or early on in college, but he’s always coming back. Maybe he’s just wondering how you are or he wants to get coffee — the relationship is over and you’ve moved on, but every single time you guys run into each other you end up feeling like something is still there. Don’t question your choices or be a total a** to him, but the past is the past.

SEE ALSO: 5 Ways To Move On From A Toxic Relationship

5. The One

He might be the one or maybe not, but right now he is pretty great. There aren’t any red flags, he makes you feel good about yourself and he genuinely cares about your happiness. You both benefit each other equally. The relationship gives you room to grow as a person, but someone is there cheering you on. He’s happy to listen when you need him and you’re always there for him. He might be in your life forever or just for a little while, but either way, the relationship feels positive. Whether you stay together or not, at the end of the day you feel like you truly gained an understanding of what a healthy relationship feels like and gained a whole lot of self-respect along the way.

Just a note: Some of this is kind of a joke even though shade was thrown in the process.

I think it's okay to kiss as many people as you want, love who you want and do what you want (as long as no one is getting hurt in the process.) There is no shame in finding yourself or what you like, want, or need out of life. I’m truly happy for anyone who is happy. Dating is weird and relationships are complicated. You do you. Live your life. Do what make makes you happy and make sure people treat you right.

Every experience good or bad is an experience — you gain something from everything that happens to you, whether you learn a lesson or learn to love yourself. I learned so much this year and I’m thankful for everything that has happened to me. All jokes about f***boys aside, loving yourself is important, especially in relationships. Be happy with yourself and don’t let crappy people bring you down, no matter what.

Cover Image Credit: College Gloss

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I Have No Label

Labels aren't for everyone, and I'm one of them.

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There's a huge pressure from society for people to know things about themselves—what they want to do with their life, what career they want to be tethered to, where they plan on being five years from now—that we really shouldn't add more pressure by requiring people to know their sexual orientation and gender identity.

I've always been pretty comfortable with my gender, but my sexuality? I'm still figuring that one out. I grew up in a fairly conservative home, so I was never exposed to the LGBT+ community or anything similar to it. Straight was the only way to go, and I grew up completely fine with that. It's only now that I know I'm not, that I'm realizing some of the things I did, probably should have told me I wasn't sooner.

Thankfully, it was never a huge source of stress for me because I was OK with being straight. I was fine with the idea of only being into men because I mostly still am. It's just that "mostly" bit that has me thrown off.

If I'm not fully into just guys, does that make me bisexual? What's the full difference between them, anyway? What does "bi" really imply, anyway? Two? Which two? Does the "bi" aspect of the word "bisexual" even really matter?

Do people identify as "pansexual" because the distinction of "bi" is misleading since there are more than just two genders?

Speaking of genders, would I date someone whose gender identity doesn't conform to the binary? How about a transgender person? How can I really know this for a fact without dating someone like that?

All of these thoughts gave me countless headaches, and they still do if I think too hard about it. Since I'm still discovering myself, I'm not fully comfortable labeling my sexuality as anything other than "not straight."

That should be totally fine.

If anything, I think this should be encouraged. It puts way less stress on people who are already stressed beyond belief. It shouldn't be something that a person has to know immediately, and they shouldn't have to ever label themselves if they aren't comfortable with it.

Let people explore their sexuality and gender. If they find a label early, let them. They may change it later. They may not. As long as they're happy with it, what does it matter? Why tell them "no?" Even if you're their parent or caregiver, you should at least be fine with them exploring their own identity and figuring their life out.

It's healthy, and ultimately, it will make them a happier person to know they had support for the whole wild ride.

Respect people if they find nothing and choose to stay label-less.

Cover Image Credit:

c1.staticflickr.com

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Ladies, Stop Waiting For Love And Learn About Yourself For A Little While

Keep growing and believing in yourself, honey.

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This one is for all of those ladies out there that are waiting.

Yes, I said waiting.

Are you waiting for that guy in your class to just ask for your number already?

Are you hoping the guy at the coffee shop you see everyday asks you out on a date?

Are you waiting and dreaming up every situation that could possibly happen when you meet your special someone?

You're waiting for that special someone to come find you. You've thought up every fantasy and cute little way you're just going to "run into" the one soon.

I am too. I'm not going to lie.

I literally sit in my car or at my desk or lay in bed and just dream about how my love life will somehow happen in the blink of an eye. Because, ya know, I've just never been the one to dream of being #foreveralone. Yeah, I know that isn't a thing anymore but oh is it ever so relevant.

I am right there with you!!

BUT I am here to tell you to STOP.

Be patient. You are still young and have so much to learn about yourself.

I do the same thing. I sit there on social media, watching couples my age get engaged or have babies or just have such a perfect relationship every single day.

I let it get under my skin. I let it tell me that I am not enough for a relationship. I let it get to me a lot more than people think.

But I have come to the realization that it will take its time and I will learn patience. I will take time for myself. I will create a whole new world and just live to grow myself physically, emotionally, mentally, faithfully and in every aspect of my life.

Once you start to spend more time with yourself, you develop a love for yourself. and after a while, being alone doesn't scare you.

God has a special plan for each and every one of us. So why rush it? God knows exactly what He's doing.

If you need it, here's the biggest reminder that I constantly am telling myself: God's plan is greater than yours or one you could ever dream of. Everything happens for a reason because it's all a part of HIS plan. NOT yours. God's love is greater. And until He leads you to your better half, keep praying and loving the Lord. He will lead you in the right direction. He has never failed you, why would He start now?!

Keep growing and believing in yourself, honey.

I promise the wait will be worth it!!

Xoxo,

Meg

Cover Image Credit:

Megan Sutton

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