The Woes Of College Dating

The Woes Of College Dating

Categorizing the boys in your life.
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With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I think it's an appropriate time to speak about the woes of dating, hooking up, or meeting potential significant others in college, especially if you’re new to the college scene. I won’t expose all the wild wonders of the college dating world, but I can sure as heck give you the categories I’ve organized boys into since I've been at CofC.

1. The one-time makeout never to be seen again(?)

This is otherwise known as the hookup. Was his name Brad or Brian? You and your friends aren’t sure, but one thing is certain — you’ll never see this boy you kissed at a party ever again. Maybe two years from now when you’ve got your sh*t together, interned at two companies, and studied abroad you’ll see him on campus and think “don't I know him from somewhere?” but probably not.

2. The “I have a girlfriend but do you want to chill” boy

He’ll say, “oh, we’re on a break” or “we’re about to break up,” but just no. Run as fast as you can and never ever look back. He probably messages girls at 2 AM something like “come ova.” He does not have time for a real relationship or time to tell his actual girlfriend that the relationship is not working out. He doesn’t even have time to type the entire word “over” so anything he does is only to benefit him 100 percent. Stay away!!

3. The F***boy

Similar to number two because they are both all about the 2 AM “come over and chill” phone call, but number three is still their own breed. He loves to hang out with his bros. He probably wears white Nike socks and gray dad New Balance shoes while he's drinking with the boys. You’ll never catch him at the library, but you’ll for sure catch him if you happen to be going out on a Wednesday night. He may seem cool to hang out with for a few weekends, but I say run after weekend one because he is only cool with anything that benefits him, no matter who he screws over. He probably claims that he knows how to treat girls, but actions speak louder than words on that one.

4. The Ex

You guys dated in high school or early on in college, but he’s always coming back. Maybe he’s just wondering how you are or he wants to get coffee — the relationship is over and you’ve moved on, but every single time you guys run into each other you end up feeling like something is still there. Don’t question your choices or be a total a** to him, but the past is the past.

SEE ALSO: 5 Ways To Move On From A Toxic Relationship

5. The One

He might be the one or maybe not, but right now he is pretty great. There aren’t any red flags, he makes you feel good about yourself and he genuinely cares about your happiness. You both benefit each other equally. The relationship gives you room to grow as a person, but someone is there cheering you on. He’s happy to listen when you need him and you’re always there for him. He might be in your life forever or just for a little while, but either way, the relationship feels positive. Whether you stay together or not, at the end of the day you feel like you truly gained an understanding of what a healthy relationship feels like and gained a whole lot of self-respect along the way.

Just a note: Some of this is kind of a joke even though shade was thrown in the process.

I think it's okay to kiss as many people as you want, love who you want and do what you want (as long as no one is getting hurt in the process.) There is no shame in finding yourself or what you like, want, or need out of life. I’m truly happy for anyone who is happy. Dating is weird and relationships are complicated. You do you. Live your life. Do what make makes you happy and make sure people treat you right.

Every experience good or bad is an experience — you gain something from everything that happens to you, whether you learn a lesson or learn to love yourself. I learned so much this year and I’m thankful for everything that has happened to me. All jokes about f***boys aside, loving yourself is important, especially in relationships. Be happy with yourself and don’t let crappy people bring you down, no matter what.

Cover Image Credit: College Gloss

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Plan These 13 Dates For Your Girlfriend This Fall And Thank Me Later

Listen up, guys.

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If you are a boy and you are reading this, plan one of these dates and you'll make your girlfriend the happiest person alive. Yeah, you can thank me later.

1. Go to a pumpkin patch.

This may be super basic but who doesn't want a cute little pumpkin around Halloween time. Usually, you will take a hayride to the pumpkin patch which is always a nice time to spend together. It will also be really cute seeing how excited she gets over finding the perfect little pumpkin.

2. Go on a hayride.

If you go to a pumpkin patch you may have the opportunity to go on a hayride and you definitely should! You will get to see all around the farm and the scenery is usually beautiful in the fall with the leaves changing colors!

3. Go apple picking.

This date will always allow for a cute photo shoot opportunity and everyone will be able to see your Insta post later captioned "the apple of my eye." Also, if you love apples what better place to get them then a local farm where you pick them yourself! Make sure you check your local farm to see when your favorite apples will be ready for harvest!

4. Bake something together.

There are so many amazing recipes for fall, apple pie being one of them. Which will be the perfect thing to bake with your S.O. after apple picking (two dates in one)!

5. Go to a local festival.

No matter where you are from there are probably a ton of local festivals around you throughout the fall. Whether it is a food festival, fall fest, music festival or even a lantern festival all of them are usually a perfect date. You can experience new things together and enjoy the fall weather.

6. Go to a football game.

Whether it is high school, college, or a professional football game any football is good football in the fall. Between a fun tailgate and an exciting game, if you are into sports football is the way to go.

7. Walk or hike around a state park.

No matter where you are from there are always state parks around you! Fall is the perfect time to go on an outdoor because it's not too hot to too cold. The scenery is always beautiful with all of the leaves changing colors. If there is a lake you could always go kayaking or paddle boating!

8. Visit your local farm.

A lot of local farms have fresh veggies, apples, baked goods and of course pumpkins! Also, check and see if your local farm has any fall family days. On those days they usually have a lot of fun activities, animals, hayrides, corn mazes, pumpkins and if you're lucky they'll have amazing apple cider donuts!

9. Stay in for a cozy movie day.

With Freeform starting their 31 days of Halloween this leads to the perfect excuse for a night on the couch. Pick out your favorite Halloween movie, make some popcorn and have some warm apple cider while cuddling up on the couch.

10. Visit a haunted house.

If you are down for something a little scarier then a Halloween movie, check out a haunted house near yours. It could even be a haunted hayride or haunted corn maze.

11. Take her out to breakfast.

Girls are always down for a cute breakfast date. Especially when you can roll out of beds in your sweats and keep them on in the cozy fall weather.

12. Spend a night carving pumpkins.

Once Halloween rolls around you should grab a cheap carving supplies kit, roll up your sleeves, and carve a cute pumpkin together. Whether you write your initials or create a jack-o-lantern it will probably be full of fun memories of pulling out pumpkin guts.

13. Go to a Halloween party.

Take some time and hit up Pinterest for a super cute couples costume and eat all the candy you possibly can!

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So You Were The 'Other Woman' In Your Relationship, Now What?

You fell for the charm, but you weren't the only one.

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Maybe you knew or you were just another girl skipping down Love Ave. until one day you get a text saying, "Hey, your boyfriend is actually my boyfriend." Or, one afternoon you open your social media page to find his other profiles, containing his other identity, relationship status and the date night photos of her plastered all over his page. The same, as you are on his other one account.

Time freezes. Your heart stops beating. Can this even be real? What even is this? You feel the rush of the world spinning around you and the sharp sting of reality slapping you across the face. Your partner cheated. Yeah, that just happened. The person you had grown to love and trust is nothing but a stranger now. Every moment with them slowly turning into a lie as you realized you weren't the only one they did pillow talk with.

As the world comes crashing down, you are left with a billion of questions. Or, maybe you have no voice or ability to ask anything because your voice has been possessed by the curse words flowing out of your mouth. As you slowly begin to turn into Carrie Underwood with her sledgehammer.

Listen, it doesn't matter what girl you are, whether you were the girl who knew or the girl who thought her man was Prince Charming, the heartbreak of cheating feels like a million needles purging into your heart. It sucks, and no matter how many pints of Ben and Jerry you eat it can never quite fill the void they left.

So you found out you weren't the only woman he called "Babe" in his life. Where do you go from there?

There is no direct answer, like every relationship, every girl is different. Maybe you are able to forgive him, or you may need more time. No matter what you decide your next step should be in the relationship, whether that be opening up a new door or closing one, you need to make sure to always put your own interest in front of his. I mean, he did do that to you already? Why shouldn't you have the right to be selfish, like he did?

Oh wait, but you are not being selfish. You deserve everything. What he did, no matter his reasons, had nothing to do with you. I know that may be hard to hear, and trust me, I have spent way too many nights before asking myself "what did I do to deserve it" and the answer is always nothing.

Don't settle for their immediate responses of "I'm sorry, it meant nothing," "It was a mistake or "I thought with my body and not my mind." You don't deserve an apology from them so they start to feel better, you deserve an actual conversation. They left you a mess behind to clean up. Cheating, brings both emotional and physical pain. There is the heartbreak, humiliation and the physical health dangers they put you in.

Deciding to be with someone that cheated on you is something you need to have a serious discussion with yourself about. Nobody can tell you the correct answer, only you know deep in what the right thing to do is. Ask yourself what positive impact did they have on my life? Negative? Could you trust them again? Is this the best decision for me?

Building a trusting relationship and repairing the broken cracks in your relationship after cheating is hard, but not always impossible. However, you need to understand and be ready for the challenges and hard work fixing a relationship has. You are learning to re-trust someone. That is hard enough said to do alone, but add on a partner, it takes a lot of emotional strength.

Sometimes no matter how hard you would like to, there are too many pieces to the puzzle to put back together.. Once a cheater always a cheater, they say. And as for some people that may not be true, for others, cheating becomes part of their resume, weaved in their genetics. Know when to say goodbye and hello to someone that cares.

A cheating relationship is no different than a toxic relationship. Repeat to yourself and remember that...

He doesn't define you

There was life before him, there is one after.

One heartbreak is just a step closer to finding your true love.

Remember, that you have value too. That his mistake defines nothing about who you are. It is a problem that he needs to learn to overcome. If you know he had a girl, sweetheart, remember that the way he treated her is just a reflection of how he sees you. Even if you love someone, it doesn't always mean they're the healthiest choice. There are some people we can love dearly, but the timing is not right. Maybe he needs to grow up or lose before he gains. If the timing isn't right, then let him go and if he comes back faithfully loving you then you know he cares. But, you shouldn't have to press pause on your life to wait for him to figure things out.

Remember to love and care for yourself. Don't let the heartbreak define you. Use the anger and pain to push and motivate you. Who knows, his cheating could be the breakthrough you always needed. Take the bad and make something good out of it.

It hurts and the next step, whatever it will be, isn't going to be easy. The question of "what is next" is scary to answer and yet alone discover. It takes time to heal. There is no rush in deciding to stay or to leave. Just make sure at the end of the day it is the best decision for you.

Heartbreaks come and go. You are only once, so don't lose yourself in it.

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