It's Not You, It's Me

I wish you’d believe me when I say it isn’t you, it’s me

because that’s entirely how I feel.

I wish you could see past the anger and tears and love

and hate that’s clouding your vision and take

my words for what they are.

I wish you’d believe me when I say it isn’t you, it’s me

because it's easier to say than to convince you that I’m broken.

It’s easier to say than “my emotional damage is too great.”

It’s easier to say that It isn’t you, it’s me than to say that

my heart is battered, chipped, and bruised from past loves

to the point that I don’t know how to not assume that you’re eventually going to leave me

It’s easier to say than to tell you that my obsessive fear of commitment means

I shut down emotionally when things get serious and I don’t know how to

turn the switch back on; That sex gives me panic attacks and

I can’t be close to you like that and feel safe; that someone stole the light from me long

long ago and I haven’t been right ever since then.

I wish you'd believe me because "it's me, not you" is my whole reality.

You're the one that's funny, and smart, and beautiful.

You're the one that would make a wonderful partner for anyone lucky enough to have you.

You're the one who deserves so much more than the shell of a man I am.

And so I say to you that it's not you, it's me

to try to make you understand that it's no shortcoming of yours that's making me leave.

It's a failure of my own.

I wish you'd believe me when I say it's not you, it's me

because, quite simply, that's the truth.

It hurts now, but hopefully you'll see one day that I was the one who didn't pull my weight.

One day you'll see that you did nothing wrong.

But I know you

won't believe me so I'll just say

Goodbye.