Looking back now I can remember the most insane imaginary stories my sister and I would create. Running around our backyard believing we were cops vs aliens. The stories I would write about in my notebook because it was my dream to be a fictional writer. How I could read book after book nonstop and use those inspiring ideas to create my own. How I dreamed of becoming an inventor, an astronaut, or a famous writer. Many friends I know say that they remember how silly they were as kids. Yet, I feel I can only remember my childhood as being the only time I felt free.

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I understand that being an adult is nothing like being a kid. You don't have your parents looming over you, having the freedom of doing what you want to do that is within the law. There is a larger responsibility over your shoulders that can be nothing compared to how you are as a child. Yet, those life responsibilities can be overpowering. Yes, yes, "with come adulthood comes responsibilities". I get it. I get that I have to grow up is some parts of my life. I understand that this is how life is, it's full of disappointments, hardships, success, and triumphs. It's a roller coaster. I used to love roller coasters as a kid. I guess not anymore.

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What I miss the most is that I used to be so creative, so inspired by little things. Inspired to learn new things outside of my academic background. As I grown I have lost that creativity, that inspiration. I find it a chore to think up how to start a creative topic. I can barely sit through a book anymore before I realize I have other things to do. I am still on chapter three of a book I started in September. I could read or write all day as a child. Now, as I said before, it feels more like a chore rather than something I used to enjoy and love. I want to feel that inspiration again, however, I feel as if I have to judge everything before letting it inspire me anymore. That I have to double check everything I read to see if it is true or that there isn't a darker meaning behind it.

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I guess that would mean for me to be naive again. Or should I say curious again. Yes, as a child I was naive, however, I came up with the most wonderful memories through my own thoughts and imagination. Something I am missing now. I guess the transition from childhood to adulthood is naivety to curiosity. I must have missed the curiosity train. Things happen and that's what I have been taught. I haven't been taught why or how, just that things do. The inner child in me is wanting to know the how or why, yet, being an adult I am forced to understand that I may never know the answer.