A year ago I was someone I am not proud of. At the time I was senior in high school. I was going through a breakup, college applications and college acceptances while deciding what to do with my life and making decisions I thought would help me, but didn’t.
A year ago was when everything changed. I wasn’t just a simple high school student anymore, and reality hit me hard. I was living a hectic life that seemed to be failing every time I turned around. This time last year, I wish I would have known to take everything day by day and just let life happen.
A year ago I wish I knew that it was okay to be sad, but that I needed to take care of myself better.
A year ago I wish that I knew the breakup I was going through would affect me more than I thought. I can honestly say this destroyed me as a person, hurt me, but this is because I let it. I loved a boy I would have done anything for, someone I gave absolutely everything to, but it wasn’t enough. There is no blame and I am not writing this to call them out. We were 17 years old and didn’t know any better. But through this, I learned that I never want to experience it again. The love I had for him was too much, too much emotionally. When things were good it was strong, when things were bad I would be to upset for my own good. Honestly this is the strongest I have felt for someone and probably ever will for the rest of my life. One year later, I still struggle with giving people chances now, even trying one date because my heart still longs for something that is not there. This is okay. A year ago I just wish that I would have known that it was for the better, that one year from now I wouldn’t be over what happened but it will have allowed you to grow as a person and grow into a life that I wanted for myself.
A year ago I wish I knew that life does not automatically get better. Time does heal things and you think you have seen hard but the next year will bring you just as many challenges. Just because you worked hard doesn’t mean you get the job, just because you are laughing and smiling today doesn’t mean you will be tomorrow. Life get’s better when you allow it to. It doesn’t get better when you move five states away and completely restart or when you get a job you actually wanted, it gets better when you want it to and when you make the choice to be happy you will be happy.
A year ago I wish I knew that I would make decisions that I would be completely happy with. The stress of making the right decision is something that is always on my mind and this time last year, I was making my first real decision on my own where I would finally move away for college and become somewhat of an independent person. One year later I can say that through the stress, the pressure of not doing what other people had planned for me, I made the right decision. That life was going to be okay and that I would be happy with what I chose. I didn’t see it one year ago but it did work out and it does work out. That the next year, I would move away to be who I was meant to be and the decision I made by myself would have lead me to the opportunities I have and to the person I have become.
I wish I knew then what I know now.
