The world is cruel today when it comes to bodies. I just saw a comment on the internet about someone making fun of Taylor Swift for gaining a few pounds, even though she still looks healthy to me.
It's a tough crowd when shopping, dating, and just trying to be yourself in the world. Some people take to appearances more than personality. Fitting into the new trends of clothes that come out when you're a size 20 makes it even harder. People can also be cruel when they take a stare at you if you're overweight.
I was 205 pounds and have lost 65 pounds since. However, I still do not feel great. I have a stomach that still needs to be toned and can barely fit into jeans without struggling. When you lose weight, you have to deal with some extra fat and toning, and unfortunately, I have that problem.
I know I had this huge weight loss and should feel great, which I do. However, I wish I was thin. I still wake up every morning hating my body. Why? I know I can get more dates and fit into more clothes if I was thinner. I know I would feel more comfortable in my skin. I would not have to still deal with the extra weight I need to lose.
People tell me I am a pretty and thin girl which means so much to me, but still, I wish I was thinner. Going out in public with your gal friends would be much easier when you're not comparing.
I know I have to keep working hard to accept myself and reach my weight goals, but I wish I could be the girl who gets to eat pizza without caring what she looks like.
I appreciate role models like Adele and Ashley Graham who tell us to love ourselves. I just do not feel that way, but I am glad they help other girls succeed.
Maybe one day I will get the confidence I need, but for right now it is what it is.