To The Ex I Will Never Hate
Start writing a post

To The Ex I Will Never Hate

To The Ex I Will Never Hate

I will never forget when he took me out and he bought me ice cream, even though he wasn’t having any himself. I will never forget the cutesy pun pickup line, cuddling while watching Cops and art documentaries, the 3 a.m. messages, “are you still up?”

I will never forget how hard I cried while watching "Les Mis" after we broke up.

We were middle school sweethearts. He had a crush on me in seventh grade. I knew because he told my best friend. He was, and still is, the type of person that’s quite shy and introverted until he’s comfortable, so naturally, there was a marginal chance anything would have come of his puppy love. But, we slow-danced at our school semiformal. I will never forget his spindly, shaking fingers on my waist.

After becoming friends though a mutual friend in eighth grade, we started “dating,” or whatever that might happen to consist of at age 14. I will never forget when he kissed me in the stairwell after school. How he hyped up some supposedly mysterious “special surprise,” as if I didn’t already know what it was. How he didn’t know that it was my first kiss.

Of course, due to pathetic middle school drama that I honestly haven’t been able to recall for years now, we broke up. Sad. I was angry and hurt and I got over it rather quickly.

Never once did I hate him for whatever happened between us. I did not feel vindictive. I defied my own hot-headed personality.

We casually Facebook messaged throughout high school, periodically checking in, discussing music or other random things. In the summer before senior year, he asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime, “to clarify, I think you’re eggcellent,” with a picture of two hugging fried eggs. I will never forget how we watched Netflix (before it became Netflix and Chill), exchanged jokes of questionable taste, and talked deeply. It was really great.

But the baggage, oh the baggage. On both sides. Neither of us were in the best of places, battling personal demons and fighting ourselves and our friends and our families. It was the wrong time for either of us to try and give each other that bit of yourself you keep hidden away. It was the wrong time with the wrong person.

Yes, it ended in tears. It ended with a long, out-of-state phone call, leaving him numb and feeling as if he’d just accidentally run over the neighbor’s cat with his car. I was the neighbor.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity, instead of building a wall, instead of starting a Cold War, I talked to my friends, and I watched "Les Mis." I will never forget how hard I cried when Anne Hathaway died. I can never forget how I pulled myself together.

I could never hate him. I admire the way his mind operates, I respect what he thinks, how he feels, his life, his family, and all the events that have shaped him into who he is. I know it would never have worked out, our outlooks on life are much too different, but I will never stop wishing the best for him in everything that he does.

After we broke up, we talked casually for a while. One day, out of the blue, he messaged me about books and this writer named Charles Bukowski. I borrowed his copy of Bukowski’s novel "Ham on Rye" and a collection of poems. Bukowski is now one of my favorite authors.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

100 Reasons to Choose Happiness

Happy Moments to Brighten Your Day!

A man with a white beard and mustache wearing a hat

As any other person on this planet, it sometimes can be hard to find the good in things. However, as I have always tried my hardest to find happiness in any and every moment and just generally always try to find the best in every situation, I have realized that your own happiness is much more important than people often think. Finding the good in any situation can help you to find happiness in some of the simplest and unexpected places.

Keep Reading...Show less

Remember The True Meaning of Christmas

“Where are you Christmas? Why can’t I find you?”

A painting of the virgin Mary, the baby Jesus, and the wise men

It’s everyone’s favorite time of year. Christmastime is a celebration, but have we forgotten what we are supposed to be celebrating? There is a reason the holiday is called Christmas. Not presentmas. Not Santamas. Not Swiftmas. Christmas.

boy standing in front of man wearing santa claus costume Photo by __ drz __ on Unsplash

What many people forget is that there is no Christmas without Christ. Not only is this a time to spend with your family and loved ones, it is a time to reflect on the blessings we have gotten from Jesus. After all, it is His birthday.

Keep Reading...Show less
Golden retriever sat on the sand with ocean in the background
Photo by Justin Aikin on Unsplash

Anyone who knows me knows how much I adore my dog. I am constantly talking about my love for her. I attribute many of my dog's amazing qualities to her breed. She is a purebred Golden Retriever, and because of this I am a self-proclaimed expert on why these are the best pets a family could have. Here are 11 reasons why Goldens are the undisputed best dog breed in the world.

Keep Reading...Show less

Boyfriend's Christmas Wishlist: 23 Best Gift Ideas for Her

Here are the gifts I would like to ask my boyfriend for to make this season unforgettable.

Young woman opening a Christmas gift

Recently, an article on Total Sorority Move called 23 Things My Boyfriend Better Not Get Me For Christmas, was going around on social media. I hope the author of this was kidding or using digital sarcasm, but I am still repulsed and shocked by the lack of appreciation throughout this article. I would like to represent the girlfriends out there who disagree with her standpoint -- the girlfriends who would be more than happy to receive any of these gifts from their boyfriends.

Keep Reading...Show less
Two teenage girls smiling

The 2000s were a time that many young adults today can look back on, joyfully reminisce and somewhat cringe at the trends and the fads that we all used to love and adore. Here's a list of things from the golden 2000s that will have one feeling nostalgic about all of those times.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments