I will never get a divorce. I will marry someone for love and I will know that they will be with me until death. I do not wish to have kids with someone I think will only be a temporary relationship. I am a child raised by divorced parents and it has been the most taxing aspect of my life. So yes, I will accomplish another impossible thing and I will not get a divorce.
If I have a child or children with my partner, I will make sure we are ready and we will last. I will not put my child through the same difficulties that I have had to go through, especially at a young age. No one remembers the life I've lived like me, and no one will ever say it was as bad as I perceive to be, but it was. I remember being a little girl, crying on the couch of my house while my mom and dad yelled at each other upstairs. I remember when my dad left the house and came back for some of his things.
I was outside, it was snowing, and I ran to my dad as my mom screamed at him through the garage door. I remember the day when she threw everything in her arms reach for him to leave. I remember the days when my mom would let me chat with a man online. He taught me about Tom and Jerry emojis. I remember hiding in my mom's bedroom with her boyfriend watching Scooby-Doo. I remember all the locked doors.
I remember when my dad asked my sister and me to lie about where he was living. I remember the day my mom found out who my dad was dating. She wasn't mad at my sister and me for lying, she was mad at my dad for making us lie.
Then it all stopped for a little while and we moved. Now, I remember only three men in my mom's life. The man from Tennessee was touchy and fun. He worked out, went to college, and loved his mother. I remember all of their fights, I remember each time he left and each moment my mom said he cheated. Then he was gone and a military man entered the home. I remember our interests, I remember the family functions, I remember the adventures. He had to leave too.
What people don't tell you about divorce is how you have no middle ground. Children are forced to choose a parent to love more and suffer the consequences if you don't. No one tells you about the custody battles or the missed holidays. They just tell you the double presents and double amounts of love. No one tells you that you need to deal with two sides of a coin and how you're never allowed to just live on the ridge in between.
Then, my middleman came into my life. His soul is fire but his body is cold. He has a spirit like mine, he's reserved and happy. He has many skills and interests and he taught me to drive. He became my everything and was my go-to person. I told him secrets I never told anyone before. He protects me, advises me, and most of all he believes and listens to me.
Now he may be gone too. I don't want a new middleman and I certainly never want my children to go through what I still am going through. I will never get a divorce for myself and for my offspring. So if you can't handle me for the rest of your life, then get out now. I will never get a divorce.