It’s been 10 years and I still vividly remember the first day someone called me “fat." It was one of the most painfully scarring moments of my adolescence and it was only the beginning of a lifelong string of comments about my body. From “fat” to “skinny” to having the “Buffest little legs I have ever seen." I have literally heard it all. Although so many of the comments are likely meant as compliments, with a genuine heart, it has since that day, 10 years ago, made me all too aware of this seemingly constant fluctuation in my body and how confusing and out of my control it felt.
The truth is we are constantly bombarded with images of bodies and the message the way our bodies look should be our primary concern as members of society, specifically as women in society. We are socialized to be hyper aware of the changing state of our bodies.
We are socialized to be obsessed. An obsession which is almost impossible not to give in to when we are being told by our mothers, sisters, friends and strangers that we "look like you have lost so much weight,” or are asked, “Are you even eating; you look so skinny?” Even when it seems so harmless and complimentary, like asking a girl if she has lost weight, it isn’t. Because we are hyper-conscious of our bodies these fill our heads will a million complexes. We are stuck there wondering, “Did I not look good before?” or “What am I doing differently?" or “What if I stop doing whatever it is I was doing and go back to my old, hideous, whale-like self before I figure out why I suddenly look so good?” In bringing constant attention to the way our bodies look, you are inadvertently fueling our unhealthy obsession to pursue this elusive and perfect body.
This isn’t meant to shame anyone, or really even call anyone out because we all do it. Rather, I want to bring attention to what and how we comment on others bodies. Next time you want to say something about another person’s body, especially a woman’s, ask yourself, “Is it necessary I share this?” If it’s not, then don’t. To every grandma who has told their teenage granddaughter they need to diet, because the “freshman 15 doesn’t look good on them." To every customer who has ever told their barista they look like they have been doing something right, because they look smaller than usual. To every mother who has ever told their daughter the “body-builder-look” isn’t cute. Your comments are harmful and unnecessary. Especially, comments directed at young women as they come of age.
The things you say to people, quickly become their mindset. And often, once in place, this mindset doesn’t go away. When moms raise their daughters to be obsessed with and aware of their bodies, they grow up to become moms who are obsessed with and aware of their bodies and pass along this mindset to their daughters. It’s a vicious cycle.
What a waste of countless brilliant and unique females, and even males, who could have grown up to be confident and strong human beings, but instead will spend the rest of their lives fighting an internal, life-long battle of body insecurities. All because you couldn’t keep your comments to yourself.
If you have words, you have power. And with great power, comes great responsibility.
