As I sat with my family deliberating between movies, and ultimately deciding to watch Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I was hit with a sense of longing I rarely experience. How is it that a (truthfully low budget) mere movie can evoke some of the most intense feelings of homesickness I have ever felt? How can I feel at home reading or listening to a book about a fictional castle in Scotland even more so than I do in my apartment?

I have a theory: J.K. Rowling is an actual witch herself and has cast a charm on anyone foolish enough to read her books. So, don't read them, and here's why:

1. Don't read Harry Potter because you will get sucked in and lose hours upon hours of your life.

2. Don't read Harry Potter because you will find yourself getting emotional over things, people, and places, that do not actually exist.

3. Don't read Harry Potter because you will find yourself getting angry about the way I worded that last sentence. Maybe if enough people cherish the series, it transcends the regular definition of reality? Maybe?

4. Don't read Harry Potter because you will end up crying for the "bad guys."

5. Don't read Harry Potter because every character is well-written and multi-faceted, and you'll see qualities they possess in the people around you. Next thing you know, you'll imagine your World History teacher as Dolores Umbridge, and wish that they would get carried off by centaurs.

6. Don't read Harry Potter because you will start puzzling over your own theories that don't even matter. You'll spend hours and hours asking anyone who feigns interest, "Why didn't they just use the time turner to go back and slay Voldemort, or raise him to be a happier child?"

If the person you ask is anything like the rest of us, they will respond, "Because time turners are too dangerous, and you can't alter history so completely without running the risk of hurting millions. Besides, they were all destroyed in the Battle of the Ministry of Magic in The Order of the Phoenix."

7. Don't read Harry Potter because you will get upset with Harry for not realizing the obvious sooner and being a thick-headed, lovable buffoon.

8. Don't read Harry Potter because Harry is a normal kid who doesn't finish all his homework, fights with his friends, and makes stupid choices.

9. Don't read Harry Potter because Harry, despite his shortcomings, sacrifices his whole world to save people, some undeserving, and you'll cry about it.

In light of the 20th anniversary of such a life-changing, integral aspect of Western Culture, I'd like to say thank you- To the people who read it and gained a greater understanding of the world. Thank you to the people who wrote and encouraged and produced it for crafting something so beautiful. Thank you to people who refuse to read the books because they give us something to encourage.

Happy birthday, Neville. You taught me to stand up to my friends, sure, but it takes an even greater deal of courage to stand up to the embodiment of pure evil and hatred.

Happy birthday, Harry.