Who here has ever looked in the mirror and been unhappy about your body?

It doesn’t have to be your entire body. It can be the shape of your face, the size of your stomach, the length of your legs. I just want to know if there is a part of you that you’re uncomfortable with, and assuming that there is — let’s face it, everyone is insecure about something — I want to know why. If your answer has to do with you not having the shiny hair, thigh gap or acne-free skin of anyone you’ve ever seen in a movie or advertisement, I’m talking to you. Yes, you. Not the media who put that unrealistic ideal body into your head.

It’s time to stop going after Hollywood and advertising agencies for promoting a certain appearance on our television screens, billboards and magazine pages. There has always been — and will always be — a contemporary physical ideal presented by the media, and it varies from decade to decade and culture to culture. We’re a little crazy for thinking that we can stop it at this point in time. It’s a waste of energy and resources. And it doesn’t help that we draw extra attention to ad campaigns that use models with body types that aren’t typical or “ideal” — this does nothing but emphasize the idea that someone with more weight or extra acne is less than perfect. You’re not our definition of perfect, but we’ll use you to make other people like you feel included. Nonsense.

But the problem of unrealistic and discouraging body image needs to be solved. So how do we make this happen? We can’t change the message, but we can change the way people think about the message. We can teach kids that they are beautiful and enough no matter what they look like — that it’s OK not to look like the girl who models their favorite jeans or the guy in the deodorant commercial who apparently smells fantastic enough to be attractive to all the hottest cheerleaders. And we can lead by example. Sure, it’s nice to wash your hair and wear clothes that aren’t falling apart on your person, but apart from basic cleanliness and modesty there are very few rules about how you should look on any given day. You don’t have to wear the same brand of eyeliner that your favorite singer does — in fact, you don’t have to wear eyeliner at all. It gets in the way of rubbing your eyes during those long early-morning classes. (However, if you can wear eyeliner and stay awake, more power to you. You are a better woman than I.)

Let’s tell each other that we don’t have to hold ourselves up to anyone else’s standard of beauty. Let’s do what makes us feel fabulous, rather than what makes others tell us we look good.

And who knows? If we can successfully change the way we receive negative messages, the negative messages may stop on their own.